Red Fruit (pt 4): Putting Tomatoes on Their Standup Legs скачать в хорошем качестве

Red Fruit (pt 4): Putting Tomatoes on Their Standup Legs

Okay, decided to keep going on demonstrating my process for evolving the tomato bit into at least semi-competent "standup" (where it's good enough to take to an open mic and get real human reactions/edits). In this vid I actually perform a new version of the tomato script, this is the first time I've performed it out loud, to see how it feels, if it's fast enough, enough punches, enough emotion, enough cognitive hit, etc. Boil, boil, boil until it's a rue. *** (here's the script, in its latest/newest form) I hate… fruit. Hate it. It’s disgusting. Anyone else. No? Bunch of fruit lovers, are you? Fruitophiles? Disgusting. (ask someone) What’s your favorite fruit? (they answer) You’re gross. People always say to me, “How can you not like fruit? It’s nature’s candy.” It gushes. Inside your mouth. It explodes. Liquid. You bite into a solid thing, but inside, it’s all liquid, and it gushes into your mouth. (shudder) Take tomatoes. Look inside. That’s a pancreas. Bite into one, capillaries, and tissue, and cartilage, spills out. You’re eating raw human heart. That just grows out of the earth. Fruits actually are organs. They’re a plant’s OVARIES. Ovaries. All matured and swollen. You’re eating plant ovary. And like all good ovaries, inside are seeds, tiny little unborn tomato plants. Every tomato you eat is a mass abortion. Roe v Farmer. You better hope God isn’t a vegan. I’d eat fried pig eyes before I’d eat a tomato. Have I made tomatoes more disgusting to you? My work is done here. I’m just trying to complicate life. “Damn, he’s right. I think this eggplant has a pulse.” Another thing about tomatoes, they’re the MAGA of the plant world. Scientifically, they’re fruits. But legally, they’re vegetables. The Supreme Court, in 1893, legally classified them as vegetables. Even though they’re fruit! Because why listen to scientists. When idiots have opinions. That’s literally how they decided a tariff case -- well, yes, scientifically they are fruits, but, commonly, morons do consider them to be vegetables. So… (shrug) You think our current government and Supreme Court is stupid and corrupt, in the 1800s they denied fruit science. So tomatoes are trans. They’re fruit, that somehow become vegetables. Once again, the libs win.