How To Have Deeper Conversations – 10 Simple Tips скачать в хорошем качестве

How To Have Deeper Conversations – 10 Simple Tips

So how do you have deeper conversations? In this video I share with you my top 10 tips for having really deep and meaningful conversations. Ive come to realise that one thing that really helps cultivate more meaningful relationships in my life is having deep conversations. So here’s my 10 tips for how to have deeper conversations: 1. Ask Questions - Asking questions invites connection. A key tip here is to ensure you ask open ended questions to really invite your partner to open up. Start questions with who, what, where, when, why. Asking ‘why’ questions are particularly powerful to go deeper. Its also important to acknowledge the feeling/emotional realm e.g. through asking questions about ‘How did that feel?’ 2. Ask More Questions - Keep asking questions to go deeper. As Tig Nataro says when she got together with a woman who had never been with a woman before, her new partner was totally blown away when they finished talking and then she asked her partner to ‘tell me more’. Ask more questions to invite people to delve deeper below the surface. 3. Create a safe space – Space matters. Making sure you have a private comfortable space to connect is important. Yes it does help to light a candle or put some incense on. Your efforts will most likely be appreciated. Creating a space were people feel safe to open up can really make a difference. 4. Listen deeply! – Connected to safety is deep listening, which also helps to create a safe space to open up. Be present. Pay attention. Listen for the deeper message behind the words. Don’t focus on just making your own point. Go with the flow and be responsive. 5. Allow time for connection – Deep conversations take time. Its generally not possible to have a deep connection in a 10 or 15 minute conversation. Allow time to go to deeper levels. 6. Don’t try to fix things. As soon as someone says they are having a hard time I think it can be really tempting to jump directly to ‘how can we fix this’. I know your intentions are good. Remember often what people really want is to feel deeply heard. 7. Be real. Be honest. I know personally it can be so tempting to avoid talking about difficult stuff, and just focus on the practical easy stuff. Particularly its tempting to not talk about things that are not working for you in a relationship, or things you are struggling with. But if your not being totally honest about how you are feeling in a relationship, this may be easier in the short term but damages the relationship in the long term. Be brave enough to be honest about whats really going on for you. Obviously you need to make sure when you express how you are feeling its done at the right time and place. 8. Be vulnerable. Connected to being honest is being vulnerable. Being vulnerable means taking a risk with someone and expressing something that is deep within you. It might be something that you are afraid of or something you are ashamed about. I think its summed up in Brene Brown’s quote “In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen.” To be vulnerable we need to have the courage to share your imperfections. I think particularly for men this is a hard one as our society encourages us to put up a wall and be ‘tough guys’. If you have not watched it, the talk by Brene Brown on the Power of Vulnerability is a good place to start (https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown...) 9. Care. When someone is upset and feeling sensitive, they will know when you are not really interested or don’t really care. It matters a lot when you really do care about what the person is saying and whats important to them. Be interested not because of the subject matter (which may or may not be something you are passionate about), but because you really care about them and want to support them. 10. Make it priority number 1. If someone in your life is being vulnerable and sharing something deep with you then I strongly recommend to drop everything else you had planned and make being present with that conversation the number 1 priority. Don’t answer your phone, don’t start talking about something else, don’t cut it short. The reason for this is that it is a really precious moment when someone is opening up to you. They are trusting you and feeling safe in that moment to share something. If you cut it short for any reason you can lose that trust. If this happens a few times the person can totally shut down as they no longer feel safe and supported to share. And once that trust is gone its really hard to get it back. Make it number 1. You wont regret it. Question of the Day: What tips do you have for having deeper conversations? (Write in comments) ----------------- View Shanti's website here for more great videos: https://wideawakewithshanti.com New Book by Shanti Just Released! Check it out here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07HCZ2MLK