Not Okay (Extended Version) скачать в хорошем качестве

Not Okay (Extended Version)

[Intro] Dont ask me if Im good Dont ask me if Im healing I’m breathing That’s it [Verse] I wake up already exhausted Before my feet even touch the floor Like my soul ran a marathon overnight And lost something it cant restore Im carrying weight that dont got a name Just pressure behind my ribs Like if I inhale too deep itll crack And spill everything I kept hid I loved something more than myself More than oxygen in my lungs And now the silence is deafening loud And I dont know what Ive become Theres a leash still hanging in memory Theres a heartbeat I still hear Theres a shadow that follows me home But the body aint fucking here And I replay the final moments Every second every breath Like maybe if I think hard enough I can undo whats already dead Guilt like a knife in my stomach Twisting slow when I try to sleep What if echoing in my skull Like I failed what depended on me [PreChorus] And everybody says it takes time Like time aint the thing that stole it Like time aint the reason Im here Trying not to fucking lose it [Chorus] My soul aches so bad I can taste it My heart breaks and I can’t replace it Im not trying to die but I swear some days I dont know how much more I can take of this Im not okay Im barely here Just dragging grief from year to year Im so fucking tired of being strong When every breath feels fucking wrong [Verse] And it aint just one loss its layers Like sediment building in stone I dont even finish grieving Before another thing is gone Some leave in a coffin Some leave in their mind Some leave but theyre standing right there Just hollow behind the eyes Tell me how the fuck you mourn Somebody still breathing air How you grieve the living When theyre physically still there Alzheimers stealing pieces Mental health pulling them under Watching someone fade in real time Is a different kind of thunder Im standing in the wreckage Of people I couldnt save Of versions of them I remember That dont exist today And I’m angry At fate At time At decay At whatever the fuck keeps taking love away [Verse] Im spiraling, spiraling, barely surviving Emotionally starving and constantly fighting The urge just to vanish Im tired of trying To function like nothing inside me is dying Im smiling in public collapsing in private My head is a riot I cannot keep quiet I replay the nights and I tighten the grip On the guilt and the grief and the shit I cant fix Im stuck in a loop of I shouldve I couldve Would trade my own peace if I thought that it would’ve Changed even one single outcome I faced But regret is a cage and I live in the space Between almost breaking and holding it in Between Im still breathing and fuck it Im done Between wanting relief from the ache in my chest And knowing theres nowhere to run Im numb then Im raging Im frozen then pacing Im screaming inside but my outside is vacant Im cracking, Im shaking My faith in lifes vacant Im so fucking close to the edge I can taste it But Im not jumping Im not done I just don’t know how to keep carrying this ton Of loss after loss after loss after loss Like Im paying some infinite emotional cost [Chorus] My soul aches so bad I can taste it My heart breaks and I can’t replace it Im not trying to die but I swear some days I dont know how much more I can take of this Im not okay, Im barely here Just dragging grief from year to year Im so fucking tired of being strong When every breath feels fucking wrong [Bridge stripped, hopeless tone] I dont need silver linings I dont need youll be fine I dont need a lesson in pain I need back what was mine Im so done with this shit So done pretending I cope Im hanging on by a thread And they keep calling it hope If hope feels like this I dont want it anymore If strength feels like this Its a fucking war [Verse] I am broken Not poetic broken Not cute sad song broken I mean wake up and stare at the wall Wonder how Im still going broken I mean barely eating Barely sleeping Barely speaking Heart constantly leaking I mean walking around with a body that moves But a soul that feels torn and removed Like Im haunting my own damn life Watching it happen with nothing to prove I dont wanna die But I dont wanna feel this either I dont wanna disappear I just want the pain to leave me Is that too much to ask To not feel like Im drowning in air To not feel like every memory Is a blade thats still there I loved deeply And thats the curse Because now I feel everything And everything hurts [FinalChorus] My soul aches so bad I can taste it My heart breaks and I can’t replace it Im not trying to die but I swear some days I am so fucking done with this Im not okay Im barely here Still breathing through the fear If this is living it hurts like hell But I’m still here so I guess I fell Through fire Through loss Through guilt Through cost I am fucking broken — But I’m not fucking gone [Outro whisper] This shit hurts Some days it's hard to breath Some days it's stalking me Haunting me Fucking taking over me But I'm still here