Cookie's Seedlings | 18 Days Later скачать в хорошем качестве

Cookie's Seedlings | 18 Days Later

On the day that Cookie died on July 1, 2025, I sowed 7 pots of seeds. I added more pots the following 2 days to fill one 1020 tray. All the seeds are from our own plants. There's one pot missing in the tray because I forgot that the Euphorbia obesa seedlings need a lot of light so that pot got moved to a zip lock bag free from shade cloth. All the seeds are sowed in Miracle Gro seed starter with Miracle Gro perlite, very heavy on the perlite. In this video, we visit those pots and see how the seedlings are doing 18 days later. Also, Cookie is home. Making this video may have been too soon. It is intensifying the missing. But I didn't know without trying. I chose to have Cookie's body aquamated which is a water based alternative to cremation. The process takes longer than traditional cremation by fire and it costs more as well. I recently found this service when preparing for Cookie's passing, it was something I had never heard of and a lot of anxiety came with the decision afterwards as I had only used traditional cremation by fire in the past. However, it turned out to be a good decision. This local company did a great job with compassion for the bereaved. I was getting incredibly anxious about Cookie's body about half way through the process and emailed them just to check on things while describing my anxiety. They responded within 20 minutes and knew the exact status of where Cookie was in the process. It helped take away one point of anxiety. The day that I picked up Cookie's memorial pieces on July 15, I knew I was going to break down and I emailed them warning them. They responded saying not to worry at all. When I arrived I broke down in the lobby in the middle of saying my last name. They had a private room ready for me to receive Cookie's memorial pieces and two employees sat and spoke with me until I was okay to leave. It was one of the warmest services I have ever experienced in a highly emotional situation. It is July 19 as I write this. The past 18 days have been really rough and will continue to be so for an indefinite time. Along with the pure ache of missing her are the parallel hauntings of guilt and regret. Starting from the day I made the decision to euthanize Cookie until a week later, I was in shock. The shock put up a protective barrier that shielded me from the true devastation of the loss. I tell myself that Cookie benefited from that dissociation because it meant that I remained calm throughout the whole process and lessened the alarm and stress on her. And it meant I could function to take care of her body and to some degree myself immediately afterwards. However, after 7 days, that protective barrier disappeared and the angst of looking back in hindsight came to haunt me. The nights and early mornings are the hardest. I have not been able to sleep through the night since the hospice care days before Cookie's passing until now. Several of you have messaged me that what I am experiencing is completely normal in the grief process. Thank you all for that. It makes me feel like I'm not completely losing my mind. I've lost two fur babies before and I have to say, it doesn't get easier. In fact, I think it gets harder. My Dad reminded me that there is a price to pay with loving. I managed to include a short clip of Cookie at the end of this video. I broke into tears when I tried looking at some of the recordings for the first time since she passed. I think it may have been too soon. I can barely even revisit memories of her without experiencing severe separation anxiety. Seeing her in the videos gives me that familiarity that I yearn for. It feels like home until I look away and her absence screams in the silence. My life now feels so strange, the house so empty. My home doesn't feel like home anymore. All my old routines have disappeared while the new routines haven't been established. The only thing I can do is have faith that time will do its thing. In the meantime, my mom reminds me not to let the grief completely steal from the extremely precious present. I agree with her. Thank you all from the whole of my being for being here on this journey with us and staying through the hard times. I thought I would lose much of my audience because this part is so sad and messy and rough and we've detoured away from fun plant videos, but here you all are, staying. I can't thank you enough. AquaCrossings: https://www.aquacrossings.com Connect with me on Instagram:   / cookiescacti   My website: https://www.cookiescacti.com