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THE EMERGENCY ROOM 00:00 Intro 01:10 Ambulance/Driving Self (merge, everybody merge) 02:15 Valet Parking (tell em’ you're shot) 03:34 Check-In (what seems to be the problem?) 04:04 Hospital Room (outmoan him) 04:46 Nurse/Describe Pain (pyramid game) 05:39 Nurse/Rate Pain (Femur ward, audacity, SAY 8) VISITING THE DOCTOR 09:00 Cholesterol (Burger King coupons, inexplicable) 09:36 Feel Like A Kid (tall doctor) 10:13 Heartburn (CANNONBALL WOUND) 11:30 Lose A Few Pounds (big fat mole man, Macy’s Day Parade) 12:14 Pain (buckle-up, 2x4, I’m good under pressure) FOOD 13:14 Fig Newtons (Newton catcher, I am stuffed to the rafters) 14:44 Serving Sizes (½ cup ice cream, I musta had 2 spoonful's) 15:57 Lay Off Dairy (no more happiness) 16:22 Cranberries (cran-chops, cran-man’s all coupled up, get on a stick) 17:46 Pop Tarts (how do I get that goodness in me?) UPS 21:16 Weight (I don’t know what girth means. Ahh, zero, I’m not fast enough) 23:33 Girth (triangulate the hypotenuse) 24:00 Make Up Numbers (3 girth units, why must you torture me?) REFRIGERATOR 25:07 (check this out, $1400, keeps all your food cold) PHONES AND CODES 27:39 Phone Company (Go Switch Flipper, GO!!!) 29:46 Confirmation Codes (11i1o00ooi1oo01il - Bon voyage!) (Muammar "Gaddafi" can be spelled with either a "K" or a "Q" when transliterated from Arabic (قذافي). The "K" version (Gaddafi) is the more common spelling in English. Therefore, "k as in gaddafi" and "q as in qaddafi" are both valid) AIRLINE STUFF 32:44 First Class/Coach (close that curtain, snap it, snap it shut!) 35:13 Sit Way In Back (Would you like a nice cold fish-head?) 36:33 Stuff In Overhead Rack (dead yak, captain YOU planet) 37:52 Gate Agents (the last helicopter out of Vietnam. Now? Why?) 39:08 Moving Sidewalks (it’s fun to fly, watch em’ close, somethin’ changed) INVENTIONS 40:33 Ironing Board (double double toil and trouble - Macbeth) 42:38 Walkie-Talkie (whammy-kablammy, rooty-tooty-aim-n-shooty) EYE DOCTOR 43:52 No Time (I’ll see tomorrow) 44:23 Concentrate (Coke bottle lenses) 45:00 Thing On Face Test (Why would I waste your time and mine by making them both the same?) 46:31 A Over B Test (NOW!.....no NOW!...NOW!!…THEN!!!!, Hubble coming attraction glasses) 47:25 Pulls Up Chair (are you looking at my soul?) 48:32 One Eye Higher Than Other (am I some kind of monster?) 49:10 Trifocals (There’s a book, there’s a plane, there’s Alpha Centauri) DINNER PARTY 49:50 Me Monster (beware) 50:23 That Ain't Nothing! (let Marco Polo speak) 50:50 Wisdom Tooth Story (halt with your 2-wisdom tooth tale) 52:03 You And Me! (you, ME, you see the difference?) 52:33 Astronaut Fantasy (once I was driving in the Sea Of Tranquility in my Lunar Rover) The HEADINGS and Subheadings above are directly from the DVD insert. I made-up the timestamps and added the catch phrases/keywords in (parenthesis). OUR STORY: My 8-year-old son Lawrence, was recovering from a rare, life-threatening disease and surgery in 2012, when he discovered this video on YouTube. We watched the whole thing together, laying in my bed, where I had him propped up to sleep and rest, and I just can't express how much we (or at least I) needed to laugh like we did. We watched it again with my mom, all of us laughing so hard and crying happily. I took mom and Lawrence to see Brian Regan on December 11th, 2014, and I got us really good seats, which is something I normally wouldn't do, but I really wanted it to be special. This might sound weird, and it is hard to explain, but this ended up being one of the proudest nights of my entire life. My mother, who loved life and loved to laugh always, was absolutely hysterical with laughter the entire show. She had tears streaming down her cheeks and nothing to wipe them with. She told us after the show that she had never laughed so hard in her entire life. I never forgot her saying that. I am still so happy and proud that I got to take my mom and son to that show. I will never forget it. My mother laughing so much. The pure joy and happiness we all shared. It was exquisite. THANK YOU BRIAN REGAN We all 3 saw Brian Regan 2 more times! September 9th, 2016 and September 8th, 2019. The shows were great. In between those 2 events was a much bigger one: my son Lawrence's 5-year PET scan. Well, he was just fine don'tcha know. He graduated high school in 2021 with a GPA well above 4, and, thanks to his mamaw (mom), he has a kind soul. He just graduated college with ZERO debt in 2025 with a double major in Computer Science and Math, landed a great job making more $ than he'd hoped, has a girl that he loves, and has big dreams. I bought all of the Brian Regan DVDs, and this is my copy you are watching. There were no good copies of it on YouTube, and that has always bothered me because of how important this performance has been to me for all of these years. I tried to process it and upload it in the highest possible quality for EVERYONE.