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Top 10 Best Jokes

I make top 10 videos about really any subject on this channel All my Channels World of Warcraft -    / hirumaredx   Yu-Gi-Oh - http://bit.ly/1Ih24ZT Pet Battles (in WoW) -    / hirusgames   Top 10s - http://bit.ly/1Jqqzab Jokes -    / theunfunnyjokes   MetroidVania - http://bit.ly/1H7383N Heros of The Storm - http://bit.ly/1ARc7Vw Reddit - http://bit.ly/1H73bwx Anime stuff -    / ionlyplaytinker   -10 Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” “I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson. “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. But what does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes is silent for a moment. “Watson, you idiot!” “Someone has stolen our tent!” -9 Which day of the week do fish hate? Fry-day -8 What do you call a monkey in a minefield ? A Baboom ! -7 Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says “Do you know how to drive this thing??” -6 An dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote, “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.” “But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.” -5 My neighbour came round and knocked on my door last night at 3am. Can you believe it, 3am!? Luckily I was still up playing my drums -4 A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”. “Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient. The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.” “That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?” to which the doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.” -3 A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.” -2 When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion dollars to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C. The Russians used a pencil. -1 A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“