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This is the first time I tried editing here including my own video-shots, tell me what you think about it in the comments. 🔰Support me on Patreon: / illneas 🔰Find me:🔗 / _illneas 🔗 / illneas 🔗 / illneas Second channel 🔗 / @akidwithacameraorjustillneas 🔰Communities - / discord - / 2314655172176122 - / searchingformeaning 🔰Poem: Suicide Kid 🔰Music: / emotional-sad-beat 🔰Narration: Tom O'Bedlam 🔰My equipment: I film handheld with a Panasonic Lumix G80 https://amzn.to/2uGqmQZ GX80 https://amzn.to/33e5Tye 📷Olympus M.Zuiko Digital 45mm F1.8 Lens https://amzn.to/2vr9P3N 🔰A few Charles Bukowski books 📓Burning in Water, Drowning in Flame https://amzn.to/2TjV2Qc 📓Essential Bukowski: Poetry https://amzn.to/2IaxnMU 📓Women: A Novel https://amzn.to/2Ts5hlz 📓The Last Night of the Earth Poems https://amzn.to/2TqKZsP 📓Ham On Rye: A Novel https://amzn.to/2uLMnhu 📓post office: A Novel https://amzn.to/2VzvKAC 📓You Get So Alone at Times That It Just Makes Sense https://amzn.to/2Vx9cAl I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed. but all I could do was to get drunk again. worse, the bar patrons even ended up liking me. there I was trying to get pushed over the dark edge and I ended up with free drinks while somewhere else some poor son-of-a-bitch was in a hospital bed, tubes sticking out all over him as he fought like hell to live. nobody would help me die as the drinks kept coming, as the next day waited for me with its steel clamps, its stinking anonymity, its incogitant attitude. death doesn’t always come running when you call it, not even if you call it from a shining castle or from an ocean liner or from the best bar on earth (or the worst). such impertinence only makes the gods hesitate and delay. ask me: I’m 72.