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Lost The War

This is a song about me winning all my medical battles, a literal miracle but I still can’t have the happily ever after I planned with the man I love. I fought through cancer, chemo, heart failure, a long coma, a heart transplant and he was one of my biggest sources of strength. I fought for a life with him but due to me being on immunosuppressants weakening my immune system it would be a risk to me and his infant daughter if we were to move forward with our plans.. and the mother or his child would gladly use it against him out of spite so we are no longer together and I know that’s the way it has to be but my heart is broken. 😘❤️😘💙😘 Lyrics: Mm.. the war.. mmm The nectar was toxic, the cure was a fire It burned the cancer but snapped every wire They poured in the poison to save me from death But it strangled the muscle that gave me my breath My heart became a casualty of a war I thought I’d won Now I’m paying for the damage of everything done These marks on my skin are a map of the fight How I crawled back from the edge of the light But scars only heal where skin has been torn They don't give us back the lives we've sworn I’m the girl who survived on a cocktail of grief Where the poison was the only thing that offered relief It killed off the sickness then it stopped my heart Then gave me a new one just to keep us apart I’m a medical victory, a survivor for sure But the cure was the poison that lost me the war The doctors are cheering, they say I’m whole They mended the body but orphaned the soul They call it a miracle, they call it a win But I’m just a shell where a soul should have been. They gave me this heart so I wouldn't go cold But it’s a story of love that can never be told It’s beating for me but it’s breaking for you It’s the one thing the doctors couldn't see through The labs are all normal, the levels are right But I’m losing the war in the middle of the light Yeah I’m still here But I lost the war It’s a win on the charts but it’s a life that I lose My vitals are steady, the cancer is gone But I’m walking through a world where I don't belong Yeah, I won every battle But I lost the war I’m the girl who survived on a cocktail of grief Where the poison was the only thing that offered relief It killed off the sickness then it stopped my heart Then gave me a new one just to keep us apart I’m a medical victory, a survivor for sure But the cure was the poison that lost me the war Stitched together, but falling apart A survivor’s life... With a stranger’s heart. I’m "back to life" or so they say But life is the thing that’s in the way. My pulse is strong. But we’re gone. We lost the war.