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(Verse 1) Neon on the window, hover-bike down the lane, Old man from upstairs left his chanter in my van. He said, “I’ve practiced a tune,” with pride in his eye, I winked and said, “Buddy, I’ll guard it from the sky.” (Pre-Chorus) Synths like seagulls, drums like thunder, Polished chrome and laughter rolling under, He swears he can blare a march at dawn— I put the pipes in stasis till the break of morn. (Chorus) Nobody’s pipes, not while I’ve got ’em, Floating in my living room like a cosmic problem. I can’t play a note, and that’s my honest truth, But as long as they’re with me, neither can you. Hey! Nobody’s pipes — safe in my orbit, We’ll dance and we’ll laugh while the city’s lit. (Verse 2) Electric violin weeps a warbling rune, Piano ticks like satellites to a summer moon. He knocks on my door with a hopeful grin, I hand him a kazoo and say, “Try again, old sin.” (Pre-Chorus) Laser laces on the curtains sway, Celtic roots meet a cyber-sway, He dreams of bagpipe glory on the stoop, I tuck ’em in a case and play the flute (not true). (Chorus) Nobody’s pipes, not while I’ve got ’em, Floating in my living room like a cosmic problem. I can’t play a note, and that’s my honest truth, But as long as they’re with me, neither can you. Hey! Nobody’s pipes — safe in my orbit, We’ll dance and we’ll laugh while the city’s lit. (Bridge — comical breakdown) Bagpipes meet bass drop, bag meets beat, Banjo-sparkle glitch and a pogo-steel cleat. He hears a mini-march through my stereo wall, I press “auto-fuzz” and watch him stall. (Spoken over synth) “You can’t play them if you can’t find them.” “Oh,” he says, “that’s… fair.” cue celestial grin (Instrumental — electric violin + bagpipes duel) (violin wails, bagpipes sputter like a robot with the hiccups, piano arpeggios race the synths) (Final Chorus — big, joyful) Nobody’s pipes, not while I’ve got ’em, We’ll throw a ceilidh on the roof and let the stars hum. I can’t play a note — I’m the worst you’ll ever see, But keeping them safe is my kind of chivalry. Hey! Nobody’s pipes — legend in the making, He’ll tell tall tales while the whole block’s shaking! (Outro — singalong) “Not while I’ve got ’em!” — clap, stomp, and cheer, Bagpipes in a bubble, peace is finally here. We’ll pass the kazoo, we’ll pass the vibe, But those pipes? Sorry, mate — they’re on my vibe.