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#269

Continuing our Love and Relationships series, we've decided to revisit a four of our favorite past episodes on the subject. In this episode, I speak to Dr. Robert Glover, author of the brilliant, often life-altering, and slightly controversial bestselling classic, No More Mr. Nice Guy. It may not sound like the kind of book I'd have read, but it is a little piece of self-help magic and has helped countless people recognize their own "Nice Guy Syndrome": the trait of hiding feelings and truths that we fear will get a negative reaction from other people so as to maintain the belief that we are "nice", leading to a host of toxic relationships and fundamentally dishonest behaviors. Robert is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome, and through his book, classes, and therapy groups, he has helped thousands of Nice Guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males, transforming their professional careers and intimate relationships along the way. Before we get started, I implore you as always to stay open minded for this conversation. You will laugh, you may cringe, you may violently disagree or surprisingly agree, but this is as honest as discussions on human relationship dynamics can get. You will find some serious gems related to dating and maintaining relationships of any kind. Please note that the concepts, though admittedly slanted toward men due to the focus of Robert's work, certainly apply to women as well, and to all sexualities. Listen as we discuss: What is wrong with being a nice guy? How 'nice guys' are often dishonest, resentful, and give to get How Robert's second marriage was falling apart despite his best efforts to be nice The "Victim Pukes" The confused belief that if sex is bad and evil, why should it only be for the one you love? The three covert contracts that lead to toxic relationships The reason men become nice guys is due to desiring the validation of women The crucial need for a stronger involvement of fathers in their sons' lives Nice guy logic: "If I have needs, I'm bad, yet I want things, but won't accept them" For women to experience sexual attraction, they need to experience emotional tension "If a man can't stand up to me, how can he stand up for me?" The effect of 50 Shades of Grey on society Human women are the most sexually evolved creatures on the planet, and men are apes Co-dependency: "I don't exist unless I'm in a relationship" Healthy interdependence The 'hugging until relaxed' exercise Calm is contagious You can want your partner, but as soon as you start needing them, you lose them To have the best sex, there needs to be a dominance of interplay and submission Equal does not mean the same Using men's motivatio n to have sex as motivation to expand their emotional intelligence The struggle between man vs. woman as a profound catalyst for growth The lingering effect of not having our childhood needs meet Women are sexual Ferraris and men are sexual mopeds "Slut shaming" The Disney and Hollywood effect on women's perception of monogamy Repressing female sexuality has become par for the course Men need a tribe Connect with Dr. Robert Glover on Facebook @drrobertglover, Twitter @dr_r_glover, and his website, drglover.com