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Beaver On The Loose

She got a smile like Sunday brunch But her mind stuck in the gutter at lunch Says “I’m a lady I’m refined I read” Then she’s snickering at the word “proceed” She’ll laugh at “wood” She’ll choke on “duty” You can’t say “pipe” She’ll say “ooh That’s fruity” Try to pour her water Say “just a little deeper” She’s gone Can’t control her beaver Beaver on the loose (Beaver!) She hear one word and it breaks her fuse She’s giggling Wiggling Biting her lip Mind in the ditch every time it slips Beaver on the loose (Beaver!) You say “log cabin ” she hears “nude cruise” She’s clutching her side Falling off the chair Her beaver brain’s everywhere Walkin’ through the park I say “dam Look at that stream” She gasps Grabs my arm “you mean like…that dream?” We pass a pet store They’re selling chew toys She’s red in the face Can’t look at the boys I say “I need a plumber Pipes keep burstin’” She wheezes “oh daddy Tell me more ‘bout that person” Try to talk taxes “deductible receiver” Nope. Lost. Can’t control her beaver Beaver on the loose (Beaver!) She hears “hardwood” and she thinks of you You say “trim hedges ” she drops her drink Now everybody knows exactly what she thinks Beaver on the loose (Beaver!) Every PG word turns R real soon She’s covering her mouth Tears in her eyes Her beaver’s got jokes They multiply I say “nuts and bolts” She say “nuts and bolts” (oh my) I say “wax and polish” She say “wax and polish” (try it) I say “tunnel traffic” She say “tunnel traffic” (stuck) I say “moisturizer” She falls out laughing Call the zookeeper Call the priest Call the yoga teacher Call the whole police It’s not safe round here when you mention “beaver” She’s on the floor like a busted speaker Dinner with her parents We’re tryin’ to be nice Waiter asks softly “you want extra spice?” Her fork hits the plate Eyes go wide She kicks me under Tryna hide that smile Her mom says “dear How’s your garden growin’?” She snorts at “hoe ” like the punchline’s showin’ Dad says “woodwork I’m quite the achiever” She sprays red wine Blame that beaver Beaver on the loose (Beaver!) Family-friendly talk turns lewd You say “fresh berries ” she’s gone again You say “stuffed turkey ” she can’t pretend Beaver on the loose (Beaver!) Whole damn table confused She’s wiping her eyes Blaming the drink But we both know how that beaver think Beaver out the cage She can’t behave Sunday school saint with a late-night brain You can dress it up You can call it “clever” But she laughs at “duty” forever and ever Beaver on the loose (Beaver!) one more time for the dreamer Can’t control her mouth ‘Cause she can’t control her beaver