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Gremlins in the Dark

Engine running, eyes on the rear-view light Check the door twice before I sleep at night Back to the wall when I sit in a room Laugh too loud and I wait for the doom Weigh myself, number climbs one line Suddenly I’m failing at being fine Read one text with a different tone Now my mind says I’m on my own Every word I said replayed again Did I hurt you? Did I offend? If I don’t ask, I’m not invited If I don’t chase, I’m not included How could you love a heart like this? Full of alarms that don’t exist I know they’re lies, I know they’re small But they get loud inside these walls I built a throne, I built control Still scared you’ll walk, still scared you’ll go I’m strong outside, but underneath There’s gremlins whispering defeat They say I’m loved, they say they care But actions fade into thin air I’m the call when no one’s free The extra chair at table three If plans change, I’m first to drop If someone better shows, they swap Am I too much? Or not enough? Too soft inside? Too built up tough? I fear being happy, it ends in tears So I swallow joy before it appears From laughing loud to crying loudly, I dim my light, stand judged so proudly. How could you love a heart like this? Always braced for what it’ll miss I know it’s fear, I know it’s old But it still keeps me in its hold Drogo the brave, Drogo the strong But tell me where do I belong?