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The Neuroscience of Knowing What to Trust

“When faced with conflicting thoughts and emotions, we must decide what to trust, what we fear, or what we know. What’s important is that this decision be made by the knowledgeable versus the anxious part of the brain.” – Bill Crawford, PhD In my work as a psychologist, I often hear people speaking to their confusion about what to trust in their lives. Often, the question boils down to a choice between what they are feeling (fear, anxiety, worry, stress) and what they know, or the objective facts of a situation. The reason for this confusion is certainly understandable because, as children, most of us learned to trust what we feared because we weren’t really capable of “knowing” or understanding everything that was going on around us. Plus, given that during these early years, we could neither leave the situation nor change it, trusting fear to stay safe was often our best option. Unfortunately, these experiences have trained us to continue to give the energy of anxiety, worry, or fear a lot of credibility as adults, and this can cause confusion when what we fear is incongruent with what we know. Of course, there are times in our lives when worry or anxiety can serve us. If we are in a dangerous part of town, taking precautions based upon concerns about our safety is a good idea. Similarly, when we encounter a driver who is driving erratically, getting out of harm's way (versus assuming all will be well) could be an excellent decision. The challenge comes when we are in situations that seem to pose no immediate danger, but we find ourselves feeling anxious. These could be relationships, job interviews, public speaking, or a myriad of other situations that seem to trigger anxiety. In these situations, we will need to decide whether to trust what we fear or what we know. This reminds me of an experience I had when I was getting my Master’s Degree. The opportunity came up for me to go through what is known as a ROPES course. The purpose of this experience is to learn how to work with others and overcome your individual fears. The final “challenge” on this course came at the end of the second day on an element that was affectionately referred to as the “pamper pole” (a forty-five foot telephone pole), and the object was to climb the pole, and then jump off. Of course, no one was allowed off the ground without a helmet and a safety harness, so that even if we fell, we would be perfectly safe. As it happened, my group was running late, and we were beginning the “pamper pole” at around 8 pm. So, here I am, climbing a forty-five foot telephone pole in the dark and, even though I wasn’t someone who was generally afraid of heights, I was experiencing significant anxiety. When I got to the top, I recognized that my next challenge was to stand up on the top of the pole and jump to catch a trapeze bar. Now, remember, I was fully protected by a safety harness which was being anchored by my teammates and a certified, experienced “ROPES” instructor, so I was never in any danger. However, just as we are rarely in any real danger when we are worrying about all the things that we imagine might happen to us in life, our mind reacts to our fear, not to what is real. Once I was able to stand up on top of this (now swaying) telephone pole, I recognized that jumping was truly going to be a leap of faith. Faith that my team wouldn’t let me fall…faith that the harnesses were secure and the ropes were strong enough to hold me. But, most of all, faith in some energy other than fear. There comes a time in many of our lives when have to choose what we are going to trust as a guide for our decisions, what we are afraid of, or what we know… the voice of truth or fear. The truth was, I was safe, and I knew it. My choices were clear: trust in fear or truth, self-confidence, or self-doubt. I remember very consciously making that choice. I decided to take the leap of faith. I crouched down, and with every bit of strength my trembling legs could muster, I pushed myself off the pole and toward the trapeze. As I left the pole, I wasn’t sure if I had jumped far enough to catch the trapeze. To my amazement, however, I recognized that it didn’t matter. Whether I caught the bar or not, I now knew I was safe because I had not listened to fear. I had pushed through the belief that fear would keep me safe, and trusted truth and those around me. I was free. Now, this isn’t about whether you should go jump off a telephone pole. I have told you this story because, to me, this represents our choice and our challenge. Do we cling to the energy of fear to keep us safe, or trust what we know and what we love to guide our decisions? I suggest we claim our power as adults and only trust fear and worry in fight-or-flight situations. In all other situations, let’s ensure that we are coming from the clear, confident, and creative part of who we are and trust what we know.