Emma Lyons on Why Women Must Stop Listening to the Voice That Tears Them Down скачать в хорошем качестве

Emma Lyons on Why Women Must Stop Listening to the Voice That Tears Them Down

WCTU CLEVELAND 13 — Emma Lyons has a blunt name for the voice that tells so many women they are not enough. It is not intuition, she says. It is not protection. Lyons calls it the “inner narcissist,” a shame-driven internal voice that keeps women doubting themselves and mistaking self-punishment for self-awareness. That concept sits at the center of Lyons’ work as a trauma writer and coach through her platform, Trauma Matrix, where she examines shame, dysfunctional family dynamics and generational trauma. Her message challenges the common belief that the inner critic is meant to protect people or keep them safe. “It’s exactly the same as a narcissist,” Lyons said during a recent podcast conversation. “But the call is coming from inside the house.” For many women, that internal commentary is relentless, telling them they are too much, not enough, too emotional, too old or somehow fundamentally flawed. Lyons believes those messages are rarely created in isolation. Instead, they often grow out of family dynamics, social conditioning and patterns passed down through generations. In dysfunctional family systems, she explained, one child may become the scapegoat, absorbing blame and emotional tension that others cannot process. Even when the messages are subtle, the result can be a child who grows into adulthood believing something is inherently wrong with them. “For so long in my life, I thought I was the problem,” Lyons said. Those internalized beliefs can shape decisions about relationships, careers and self-worth for decades. Many adults treat these narratives as objective truth when they are actually learned responses to their environment. A key distinction in Lyons’ work is the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt focuses on behavior, while shame attacks identity. “Guilt says, ‘I’ve done something bad,’” Lyons said. “Shame says, ‘You’re bad.’ That’s identity level.” Psychological research has long linked chronic shame to anxiety, depression and self-sabotaging behavior. While guilt can motivate change, shame often produces withdrawal, defensiveness and self-criticism. Lyons argues shame persists not because it helps people grow, but because it has historically been used as a tool of control. “Shame is always a control mechanism,” she said. “It’s always a manipulation.” Cultural expectations can intensify that pressure, particularly for women. Messages about appearance, aging and behavior encourage constant self-monitoring. Over time, Lyons said, that self-surveillance becomes so familiar it feels like common sense. She also believes shame is often projected onto others. People carrying unresolved shame may criticize or judge someone else as a way to temporarily relieve their own discomfort. “We shame each other,” Lyons said. “And it gives us temporary relief from the shame we’re experiencing.” Still, Lyons’ message is not simply about identifying shame. It is about interrupting it. Rather than debating or appeasing the inner critic, she encourages people to recognize it and disengage. “You refuse to engage,” she said. “You drop the rope.” That approach involves recognizing when shame surfaces, questioning the message behind it and grounding oneself in the present moment instead of spiraling into self-attack. “It’s not factually true,” Lyons said. “It’s inherited shame that’s been impressed on you.” One of Lyons’ most striking ideas is reclaiming the word “shameless.” In everyday language it is often used as an insult, but Lyons sees it differently. Children, she notes, begin life without shame. They do not believe they are defective or unworthy. Those beliefs are learned through repeated exposure to criticism, comparison and social pressure. “They’re completely shameless,” Lyons said. For Lyons, reclaiming that state does not mean abandoning conscience or responsibility. It means refusing to internalize humiliation as a measure of personal worth. “Shame is always a projection,” she said. “We only take it in with our consent.” For women who have spent years battling self-criticism, recognizing that voice for what it is can be transformative. The harshest critic in their lives may not be someone else at all, but the one they have carried into every decision and reflection. Lyons believes the real work is not learning to manage shame more gracefully, but ending the relationship with it altogether. In a culture that often profits from insecurity and self-doubt, reclaiming that power may be the most radical step of all. -------------- For more, visit www.Cleveland13News.com