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Just A Bit of Realism

You say pessimistic I call it just a bit of realism you say smile I say it's a thrill, is it? you say it's not that bad I say where is all the good then you say I'm sorry I don't get it then don't try to compare our pain forget it you say it's normal is it? you say it can be easy I wanna feel it. feels like I'm drowning most days I try to bury that feeling take it away I sit and fight just to smile what can I say as if what I tell you will ever matter anyways it's the same old cat and mouse same old f*cking dance frankly I'm tired of hearing you whine grit your teeth kiddo I'm sure you'll be fine different kinds of pain worry bout yourself keep bein so vein keep disappointin drivin me insane this is something you'd never understand would'nt put this feeling on my worst enemy you'll never see how I feel lookin confused? oh you think you get it? clearly show me why you think you compare to that pain to seeing everything fade away before your eyes everything you've ever loved knowing now what I know it all dies you say pessimistic I call it just a bit of realism you say smile I say it's a thrill is it? you say it's not that bad I say where is all the good then you say I'm sorry I don't get it then don't try to compare our pain forget it welcome to my hell every time I do anything I just wanna yell at myself could be doin better yet I settle for just trying to get by too much f*cking mental damage doesn't feel right always in a sour mood these days tryna fit in and be normal is torture tryna break past all my walls and push it further i just wanna be normal and fit in with y'alll it gets hard when people judge you 'Why you flinchin.' 'Just raised my hand.' can I get a pinch in? don't get the hell I lived in? stop trying to help something you don't understand then we can start talking bout why I fold so much why I bend have you ever seen the light leave your parents eyes feel them go cold in your arms watching all of that hope die right in front of you? can't put that pain to words. doesn't sit right? ever hope the poison would leave your moms veins just to watch her fall back in it again see how low I've been tryna pull everyone out of the void now look who's sinkin. ever almost die yourself? watching your loved ones pray for you? that look in their eyes beggin God for just one more chance to do better what's it good for these days? I fought through it just to stay sit in this hell pit you call home fighting those thoughts at bay tryna find the light myself not leanin on no one else cause you'll never see the world as I do a f*cked up test to see if you'll make it through. you say pessimistic I call it just a bit of realism you say smile I say it's a thrill, is it? you say it's not that bad I say why is it f*ckin freezin then you say I'm sorry I don't get it then f*ck right off see the ocean I'm drowning in? watch me try to f*ckin swim in it. go ahead and cry about your online relationships cry about not being happy just shut your f*cking mouth up about it around me all of your mundane problems don't compare to mine stay here in this place long enough and maybe you'll get it it just takes some time see how often people disappoint you count how many times you have to hold your tongue playing the good guy all the time wow sounds like fun getting walked over just cuz your kind that kindness wasn't there before if you wanna abuse it just know it wasn't mine I got that from seeing what this place really is so, I keep my f*cking mouth shut so you can unwind but lately I'm getting bitter about those pesky things you sob about in your room I got no one to cry too miss you ma and dad see you soon pray every day just to have the strength to put on that f*cking mask for everyone else always putting my f*cking problems high on the shelf just to try and make your life easier forget it I've got to stop being so nice my own body seems to be the only thing here that's paying the price. think it's time to take my own god d*mn advice. you say pessimistic I call it just a bit of realism you say smile I say it's a thrill, is it? you say it's not that bad I say where is my family then you say I'm sorry I don't get it then just take a step back from me too damaged up here obviously too much trauma I've tried to bury now it's those dark thoughts I wanna marry too much anger I'm f*cking negative tried all this time to push passed now I dwell in it so, find someone else to cry too got enough on my shoulders need to worry bout myself now now that I'm bolder let me do me till it's all over till it's all over..