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Forgiveness: What If They Never Ask For It?

Forgiveness in Scripture has two distinct but connected dimensions: inward forgiveness before God and outward forgiveness toward the offender. We see both kinds in the Bible, and it's important to see how they are distinct and connected. Inward forgiveness is a matter of the heart and can be exercised regardless of whether the offender ever acknowledges wrongdoing. Jesus teaches, “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses” (Mark 11:25). This command assumes a private, Godward context and makes no reference to repentance by the offender. Inward forgiveness involves relinquishing resentment, refusing personal vengeance, and committing to regard the offender with goodwill rather than malice. It is an act of obedience to God that frees the injured party from being ruled by bitterness, even when reconciliation is impossible because the offender is unrepentant, absent, or deceased. Outward forgiveness, by contrast, is a relational act that requires repentance. Jesus says, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him… if he turns to you… you must forgive him” (Luke 17:3–4). Here forgiveness is explicitly conditioned on repentance. Forgiveness can be offered only when the offender acknowledges guilt and turns from it. This distinction reflects the difference between granting forgiveness and receiving forgiveness: forgiveness cannot be received without accepting responsibility for wrongdoing. These two dimensions are inseparable but not identical. Inward forgiveness prepares the way for outward forgiveness when repentance occurs, ensuring that forgiveness can be extended freely and without lingering bitterness. At the same time, inward forgiveness protects the injured person from the corrosive effects of resentment in situations where outward forgiveness cannot yet—or ever—be enacted. Forgiveness does not eliminate all consequences of sin. Scripture allows for accountability, discipline, and even legal restraint when necessary for justice, protection, or restoration. Forgiving an offender is compatible with insisting on appropriate consequences, so long as these are aimed at reform and the good of others rather than personal revenge. Biblically, forgiveness is costly. It resembles absorbing another person’s debt rather than exacting payment. Christians are called to forgive on the basis of their own standing before God: they are spiritually poor, having owed God everything, yet spiritually rich, having received abundant grace in Christ. This gospel logic grounds Paul’s exhortation: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). *AI summary