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Now I Know You

“When I was young And I didn’t know what to do With my life And I didn’t know what to be And I didn’t know you When I was growing up I tried not to show a bluff And then I showed it anyway I wished that I could wake up Different than I was I wish that I wasn’t such a klutz I’d wake up with new bruises on my legs And I don’t know what they’re from My internal battles I knew that I was meant to be great I knew that I tested fate When I met you I knew that we were meant to be And now I’m so happy But who am I? Who are we? I don’t know what to make of this relationship It’s the best You helped me out of my fit You helped me get The help I needed To live You taught me how to be Who I always wanted to be You made me feel complete So now it’s up to me To really set myself free And know that it’s for eternity Don’t fear there’s no point My dear You say to me And it’s all I hear It’s all I hear When you’re not near” Now I know him. When I met him, I was under a self loathing spell, people pleasing and hiding the darker aspects of my true self. So much pain, fear, and anxiety ruled my life. I would go through stages of manic happiness, often altering my appearance, then crash into depression and hide myself away from the world. When I met him I realized why. I would push myself to appear the same way all the time. Always happy, energetic, funny and goofy, but most of the time I felt the exact opposite on the inside. He made me question who I was being and who I actually wanted to become. I couldn’t keep the act up forever, it was killing me slowly on the inside. He showed me all his best and worst qualities right out of the gate. He was so transparent about what he liked and didn’t like, wanted and didn’t want for his life. I realized I’d never formed any of those opinions on my own. I would always deflect to the other person to make decisions. I could keep the peace when I was unhappy, I could play pretend. I’ve begun to develop a more cognizant idea of who I actually am and what I want for my life. Now I can say no to what I don’t want.