Funny Beer Jokes and Puns 2020 скачать в хорошем качестве

Funny Beer Jokes and Puns 2020

Beer Jokes and Puns for you to laugh at. Best Beer puns for 2019. Funny while drinking a Heineken or Budweiser beer. For more jokes and quotes download our Juicy Quotes app. Available on App store, Google Play and Kindle Apps. iPhone App Store link: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/juicy-q... Google Play Store link: https://play.google.com/store/apps/de... Amazon Kindle App Store link: https://www.amazon.com/Juicy-Quotes-J... For App or more beer jokes go to link below: https://www.juicyquotes.com/jokes/beer/ #beerjokes #beerpuns These are the jokes about beer we used: Q: What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet? A: A beer in each hand! How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Q: What did the man with a slab of asphalt under his arm order? A: “A beer please, and one for the road.” Two fat men were stranded at sea in a lifeboat. On the 4th day, a mermaid came up out of the water and offered them one wish to save their lives. One of the guys thought about it and one shouted out, “I wish the ocean was a sea of beer.” The wish was granted. A little while later the other one shouted, “Great, now we have to pee in the boat!” How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer. What do men and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up! Woman “So do you drink?” Man – “I used to drink a lot, but I quit cold turkey. Woman – “Wow, that must take a lot of self-control.” Man – “Well I found out I was allergic to it, every time I drank I broke out in handcuffs.” Scientists recently discovered that beer contains small traces of female hormones. This was proven by giving 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that an astonishing percentage, 100%, started talking nonsense and couldn’t drive. Last night a man walks into a bar in a small town looking sad. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says “Oh just a beer”. The bartender asked the man “What’s wrong, why are you so down today?” The man said “My wife and I got into a fight, and she said she wouldn’t talk to me for a month”. The bartender said “So what’s wrong with that”? The man said “Well the month is up tonight”. HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her… ( HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Arrive naked… with beer. Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, “I’ve lost my dad!” The policeman said, “What’s he like?” Little Johnny replied, “Beer and women!” A real man would never cry in public unless Heidi Klum unbuckled her shirt or if he accidentally dropped crates full of beer. A man was drinking at a bar and the bartender came over to tell him he had a visitor waiting for him outside the bar. He had just bought another large beer and he didn’t want anyone to drink it. So, he wrote a little sign on a piece of paper and left it by his beer that said: “I spit in my beer.” When he returned to his bar stool there was another note beside his beer: “I spit in your beer too!” A good looking woman walks into a bar wearing a tube top. She raises her hand to signal the bartender for a beer, revealing that she does not shave her armpits. Meanwhile, a sloppy drunk on the other side of the bar signals the bartender, “Buy that ballerina over there a drink on me.” The bartender replies, “What makes you think she’s a ballerina?” “Because,” answers the drunken man, “any chick that can lift her leg that high has GOT to be a ballerina.” A tandem rider is stopped by a police car. “What have I done, officer?” asks the rider. “Perhaps you didn’t notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . .” “Oh, thank God for that,” says the rider – “I thought I’d gone deaf!