Wise Up, Fifi: ITV (Tyne Tees) adverts, 25th August 1991 скачать в хорошем качестве

Wise Up, Fifi: ITV (Tyne Tees) adverts, 25th August 1991

August 25, 1991. ITV (Tyne Tees) are showing On Golden Pond: a triumph of the human spirit. I am of course referring to the transition into this first commercial break, for which whatever presentation bods were responsible must have been very proud. It fades directly into the carefully designed break bumper from the very shot (of Hepburn and Fonda looking miserable) that dominates it. It's actually kind of unsettling for a split second, like some kind of dream logic has invaded the real world. And then the Tyne Tees prism optical arrives and you remember you're just watching an old videotape. The adverts start with two Frenchmen of contrasting stereotype - hangdog doughy guy, louche sex god, the Bruno Cremer/Alain Delon dichotomy - communicating in highly French noises, because that was the premise of this campaign for Piat d'Or (and it meant they didn't have to redub it). Next, Nescafe. After finally giving up on their polycule of Diane Keen, Sarah Greene and Tony Anholt - unsuccessfully filling a Gareth Hunt-shaped hole - they've moved on to famous sitcom pairings, acting confusingly both as themselves and in character. By which I mean, Richard Briers and Penelope Wilton, for instance, refer to each other by their real names but act more or less as they did in Ever Decreasing Circles. Paul Eddington and Derek Fowlds did the same, and here's Michael Elphick and Angela Thorne in Three Up Two Down mode, complete with Daphne Trenchard's airs and graces (such as the royal "we") but still calling each other Michael and Angela. And now: Einstein on the Fritz. Well, the soundtrack certainly sounds Phillip Glass-ish, as two Far Eastern gentlemen inspect a car we're to understand is futuristic and cool, what with the heavy focus on gidgets like the automatic aerial, the prominent use of green digital writing, and to be frank the presence of East Asians. But they're a red herring, I think. I'm pretty sure we're to understand these guys are Japanese and annoyed that this car isn't. It's Korean. But the lack of distinguishing visual cues (at least for the untrained whitey) kind of kills it. It doesn't help that the slogan is then based around the traditional British mispronunciation of Hyundai, which they finally got fed up with and tried to start training us out of in the past couple of years ("It's the Dawn of a New Hyundai"). Next: it's a Bank Holiday (again). Buy a leather sofa! 3 years interest free credit! Some are brown! Paul Gambaccini! The name means Sofa Carpet Specialists, so you know they're legit! Incredibly they haven't been bought out by DFS or anything and are still going today, albeit having swapped their brightly coloured parallelogram-shaped "plumbers in the local admart" logo for something more obviously designed by professionals but more rubbish. As an instant rebuttal: Conroys. The big furniture stores in the North East. They're using Bank Holiday Monday as a climax to their big make-room-for-the-autumn sale. And their logo suggests they're into trans rights! Good for them. You have to guess at what their furniture looks like though. Next, men just can't help acting the tit. A little touch of folksy Americana for Impulse, although without the song there's nothing to suggest this couldn't be happening in Huddersfield or something (except the attractiveness of the actors). Some bloke assumes a woman's name due to the non-diegetic music, which I don't think we're supposed to think about. Anyway then there's another comedy twist and it's all rather unedifying really. Just look at all that ground-in grime. A laundrette in the midlands (apparently) is the setting for an hilarious mash-up type thing. Basically the format of a laundry advert plays out, but with bunch of burly, overalled, probably flatulent men tutting like stereotypical housewives, and engine parts in place of laundry. An advert to remind you that the word "subversive" is a flat adjective. You can tell when it's Shell: mainly because they're doing that whistling jingle thing. Next, a quick look at the real thing, as a real housewife (well, an actress playing one) holds up some Ariel liquid and gives a spiel about how it's better for the environment and you can save a handful of copper coins, as visual aids for both play out. It's then repeated in telegrammic fashion by a voiceover. Incredibly straightforward. Then, hair. A bobbed brunette clearly hired for her chiselled features rather than her delivery explains why you should be Alberto's natural shine thing whatever. Then she sprays some at us for not listening. Finally, ORACLE! Their whole "Ultimate Newspaper" shtick went from that Tex Avery inspired hound to a more contemporary, angular character called 'Orace. That's him sniggering at the end. The whole "dog delivering the newspaper" thing was always a bit vague, to be honest, but there's no arguing with Patrick Allen. All part of their attempt to establish a franchise for themselves, which they immediately lost.