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Test - Citizens Advice

This installment of Count Arthur Strong’s radio show presents the latest adventures of the legendary show business personality, Rakontur, after dinner speaker, and twice-voted trout tickler of the year, 1968 to 1969. Count Arthur steadfastly refuses to eat any trout he tickles, stating, "Just to hear a trout laughing is enough for me". The episode begins with speculation about Prince Charles visiting a bookies, fueled by the Royal Family's love for horse racing, inherited from the Queen Mother, whom Arthur once met backstage at a Royal Commando performance. Arthur recounts that when he met the Queen Mother, he stood on her foot because "bloody Perry Como" nudged him in the back, causing her to exclaim, "Oh, you're standing on my foot," demonstrating her beautiful speaking voice even when furious. Arthur also claims to have held high office himself, serving as the Equity deputy on Mother Goose. The central conflict revolves around Arthur's attempt to return a pullover to a charity shop. He wants to exchange the "pullover" or "jumper" for another garment because it is either "too tight" or "too big". The shop worker demands a receipt, which Arthur claims his dog, a "golden deceiver," either wet on or ate. The dispute escalates when a woman with "hair the same color as a brillow pad" (the previous manager) appears. She reveals that Arthur has a history of exchanging the same jumper multiple times after it became threadbare, a claim Arthur denies, calling it "liable and and slanderous". Arthur decides to take his case to a "higher authority". Meanwhile, Jeffrey, having failed to secure travel brochures on Italy due to an administrative error on the ticket, has been sent by Arthur to see if a friend wants one of the "puppies I hadn't got". Arthur reveals that this puppy idea was "just something I was saying in the charity shop" and that Jeffrey "got complete is stuck to the wrong end of the stick". Arthur plans to act as a middleman for "a slice of the action" if the friend is desperate, noting he is an "enabler" who puts "people and dogs together". When Arthur arrives at the pub, he learns from Sally that the friend, Eric, does want a puppy. This further complicates Arthur's life as he now has to find a "golden redeemer" puppy for a man he has never met. Arthur visits the Citizens Advice Bureau for "illegal advice on a very delicate matter of some urgent pungency". He insists on an immediate appointment. While waiting, he encounters the landlord of The Red Lion pub on Harris Street. Arthur, believing the pub is full of "villains," is surprised to discover that the man he is talking to is the landlord. Arthur also boasts that he was once a barrister, wearing the wig and gown, on the show Crown Court. He claims that he was the first person in the show's history to convince the jury to go against the script and acquit the defendant. Arthur presents his case at the Citizens Advice Bureau, listing defamation of character, libel, and slander as possible charges against the charity shop. He also pitches his idea for a gondola business on England's canals to Jack, a barman, suggesting Jack contribute working capital. Arthur assures Jack they could get "the dragon at this end that strokes his beard," James, from Dragon's Den to back them. Arthur eventually gives up on retrieving the jumper, saying it only cost "20 p anyway". He is more concerned that he left the carrier bag—"Exhibit A, the cornerstone of my defense"—in the Citizens Advice Bureau. He tells wilf that he no longer considers his previous acquaintances to be his legal people because they "wouldn't even give me a threatening letter". Arthur mentions his butcher friend, Wilf, who has a whippet named Daniel (which Arthur mistakenly calls Robert). Arthur warns wilf against the unsanitary habit of eating pork pies while upstairs from the butchers, especially after the dog made a "big mess on his settee". Characters and Actors: • Count Arthur Strong (The star). • Jeffrey (Has been to the travel agents; is criticized by Arthur for "looking moody" and getting the "wrong end of the stick"). • Sally Bars (Conversational partner at the start; asks Arthur questions). • Jack (The barman, whom Arthur tries to involve in his gondola venture). • The Man at the Charity Shop (The counter worker who refuses the exchange without a receipt; slightly balding and wearing glasses). • The Woman at the Charity Shop (The former manager who had a falling out with Arthur; has "hair the same color as a brillow pad"). • The Landlord (Owner of The Red Lion on Harris Street; is waiting for advice). • Eric (The friend who wants one of Arthur’s nonexistent puppies). • The Citizens Advice Receptionist (Handles the appointments). •Wilf (Arthur's friend and butcher). • Mel Giedroyc. • Alistister Kerr. • Dave Mounfield. • Steve Delaney (Script writer). • Graeme Duff (Editor). • John Leonard (Producer). • Mark Radcliffe (Producer).