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Money Polarities, with Betsy Miller

Money decisions often feel like a tug of war between two “right” instincts. Protect the children or prepare the children. Spend for what you need today or save for what you might need tomorrow. In this episode, Betsy A. Miller, J.D., ACC., a Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School, brings a powerful framework to those tensions by introducing polarities. Polarities are pairs of interdependent opposites where the goal is not to land in the middle, but to get the benefits of both and avoid the overuses of either. Her perspective is grounded in her own story, growing up around affluence while her family stayed disciplined and worked hard. This shaped her relationship with saving, spending and security, and still guides how she values her work and makes big financial decisions today. What If the Answer Isn’t Either/Or—But Both/And? The most important challenges can’t be solved by choosing sides. Whether it’s navigating stability and change, flexibility and structure, or task and relationship, the Both/And Mindset is at the foundation of this work—transforming either/or deadlocks into a sustainable path forward. Betsy is a strategic advisor, keynote speaker, author and Lecturer at Harvard Law School. She helps clients and students navigate one of the hardest challenges: integrating opposing values instead of choosing between them. For more than 25 years, Betsy has worked in law firms, government and academia—holding leadership positions, prosecuting and defending high-stakes cases, advising clients under investigation, coaching senior executives and teaching the next generation of lawyers. She has led billion-dollar settlement negotiations, served as Chief of Staff to the D.C. Attorney General, worked as Nominations Counsel on the United States Senate Judiciary Committee, and guided family offices through generational transitions. At Harvard Law School, Betsy created and teaches the university’s first course dedicated to the Both/And Mindset, “Polarities: Harnessing the Power of Opposites to Lead and Negotiate in a Complex World.” Her range of experiences—from the courtroom to the boardroom to the classroom—enables Betsy to connect dots others can’t see and to create value from opposites that need each other over time to succeed. Betsy’s scholarship has been published in the Harvard Negotiation Law Review, the Leadership Edition of the ABA’s Law Practice Magazine, The American Lawyer, The National Law Journal, Law360 and Law.com. She has written on topics including the Both/And Mindset, change management, talent development, effective feedback and law firm governance. Betsy’s work in the classroom has been featured in the Harvard Gazette and in Harvard Law Today. Betsy is a graduate of Dartmouth College and Harvard Law School. She is an ICF-accredited leadership coach with Certificates in Leadership Coaching and in Polarities (the study of interdependent opposites) from Georgetown University’s Institute for Transformational Leadership. When Both Can Be True Betsy’s reflections show that some of our most meaningful money questions are not “either/or” choices but living tensions we navigate over time. Through the lens of polarities such as reveal and conceal, save and spend, present and future she illustrates how families can move beyond false trade-offs and instead seek the benefits of both. Her story reminds us that clarity comes not from picking a side, but from curiosity, intentionality and an openness to holding complexity with care. If you’re thinking about how to navigate difficult family conversations about wealth, values or expectations, an Aspiriant advisor can help you frame the discussion, build shared understanding and create a plan that honors both relationships and resources. Follow Money Tales on Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/7zOErHa...) , Apple Podcasts (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...) or YouTube Music (   • Money Tales Episodes  ) for more real stories that help us make smarter, more intentional decisions with our money.