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Rise again

Ughhhhhh why is she loosing her mind all the time.... I've had the ceiling literally collapsed on me before... I've had the fireplace fall through the ceiling... I've had the basement full of water.. I've fallen through the floor then was late to work to come home to CPS ... I've had the water draining under the trailer the waterline go out go a year without water. I've went without electric and ran off a generator... I've almost killed myself battling bugs I couldn't destroy as my sanity slipped and I begged for help from anyone.. I've begged for my life while trapped with someone who made my skin crawl I begged to leave begged anyone to help make him leave as he just said Amber just needs more love .. Amber wanted you to die so she could escape you she wanted the trailer to burn to the ground so she never had to look at it or suffer from it anymore she wanted to scream at her mother for not choosing her when she begged her and she said helping you would make me want to die so she just let me suffer and told everyone I was crazy... I begged to go to the psych begged my ex begged my family begged everyone to just let me get help I wasn't okay and no one could help me and everyone judged me after I suffered and almost lost myself... I pulled myself out that hole and I turn around and noones there after I killed myself time and time again regardless what I was suffering to turn around and still be left standing alone... I've been held at gunpoint for being the wrong person and no one did anything... I was choked In front my children and still called the victim... I was cornered and pushed holding my newborn when trying to escape and told I wasnt a victim... I've been thrown out for choosing to protect my sons and lost everything to be told I wasn't a victim.. I was kidnapped in my own vehicle and begged to be let go so I could go back to my children I try to ask for help shut down told not to play the victim and no one did anything I was scared for my safety my children's safety so I listened.. and got told not to play the victim it wasn't real I just made it all up .. I'm not crazy I am traumatized I almost died and lost my husband my marriage my home and everything within 6 months I had night terrors and was followed by so much trauma from multiple people loosing multiple pregnancies for a variety of reasons being pushed to do things I didn't believe in to protect my children because I was scared you don't understand the number of things I've been through so when things keep happening and I just laugh understand it's because the number of things I experience on a daily basis would destroy most people but I'm still here so bare with me as I break down I'll get back up I just need a minute on the ground to catch my breath because I can only handle so much