DIFFUSE the DISPUTE: 8 WAYS to DE-ESCALATE a heated ARGUMENT скачать в хорошем качестве

DIFFUSE the DISPUTE: 8 WAYS to DE-ESCALATE a heated ARGUMENT

When we are engaged in a heated argument it is easy for us to feel as though we are being personally attacked. The result can feel like our blood is boiling and immediately the adrenaline rush can invoke a “fight or flight” response. That adrenaline rush can make us act more impulsively and recklessly than we otherwise would. It’s called the amygdala highjacking and its a physiological response that can take hold when the brain is unable to stop rational judgement and begins to either attack or run away. To get us back on track to meaningful communication, the most effective method is to make sure that both you and the other person feel “safe” again. The more comfortable everyone is, the more productive the conversation is going to be. Establishing safety is a key aspect to defusing a heated argument before it reaches a point of not return. The goal of any conversation is creating a “shared pool of meaning.” This means allowing everyone to feel safe speaking their mind and contributing to the conversation. To create a “shared pool of meaning,” we need to make the conversation as safe and open as possible. The more information being shared, the easier it is to connect our perspective with the perspective of others. When we drift away from feelings of safety, people tend to resort to “silence” or “violence.” 1. Hear the other persons silence. 2. See the signs of violence. 3. Focus on making everyone feel safe 4. Start with points of agreement 5. State facts not fiction 6. LISTEN to others tell their story 7. Determine a mutual purpose. 8. Don’t play the “victim” or “villain.” These points are designed to bring out of control conversations back to a safe place, and open us up to a greater shared pool of meaning. The more freely honest and respectful communication flows between us, the easier it is to have healthy interactions.