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Dial Help

WARNING -- This poetry may incense and inspire. Attacking religion, science, and conventional views on reality. DIAL HELP by Park Teter Hi, this is God. Welcome to Divine Intervention, Consulting, and Kharmic Services, Inc. (DICKSI). Rated "number one in customer satisfaction," DICKSI provides the highest quality At the lowest cost. If you know the extension Of the angel or saint you are calling, You may dial that number at any time. Otherwise, please select a service From the following menu. To express thanks for divine assistance, Press 1. To send a blessing, Press 2. To send a curse, Press 3. To request healing of an injury or illness, Press 4. To request pain or death of an enemy, Press 5. To request success in a school examination Or a contract negotiation, Press 6. To request victory in a game or a war, Press 7. To win a female's love, Press 8. To win a male's love, Press 9. For rescue from a life-threatening emergency, Please hang up and dial 9-1-1. To file a complaint Go to Hell. DICKSI's automated services are available From 9 to 5, every day except Sabbaths and religious holidays. Most major credit cards are accepted. Discounts are available to The halt, the lame and the blind. If you do not receive complete satisfaction Within 2,000 years, Your sacrifice will be refunded in full. This call may be monitored For quality assurance. Remember: "Those who pray for help Pay for help."