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[Intro] (A frantic, swirling synth melody that sounds like a spinning kaleidoscope) (Sound of a rubber duck squeaking: Squeak!) (Barnaby’s voice: "Now, where did I put the incantation for 'Instant Polka'?") [Verse 1] The dragons are breathing a river of flame, The knights are all shouting the King’s holy name. But Barnaby stands with a patch on his knee, And turns the whole army to broccoli! He doesn't use ice and he doesn't use wind, The fabric of logic is being unpinned! A flick of his wand and a wiggle of toe, And the gravity’s gone for his terrified foe! [Pre-Chorus] (Music shifts into an odd 7/8 time signature with heavy chugging) The scrolls are all backwards! The potions are neon! He’s turning the castle to a giant accordion! It’s weird and it’s wacky, it’s wild and it’s strange, Nothing is safe when he’s within range! [Chorus] (Explosive, melodic Metal chorus) BOGGLE-SPELL! ARCHMAGE OF THE WEIRD! With a rainbow of sparks in his tangled-up beard! BOGGLE-SPELL! THE LOGIC-BREAKER! The cosmic and comical miracle-maker! He’ll win every battle, he’ll conquer the day, In the most ridiculous, colorful way! [Verse 2] The Dark Lord is rising with shadows and spite, But Barnaby’s casting "The Infinite Bright!" Wait, no—that’s not it—he’s made a mistake, Now the Dark Lord is made of delicious fruitcake! The skeletons rattle, the goblins all groan, As their swords turn to feathers and their boots turn to stone. He’s casting a spell called "The Itchy-Foot Curse," And making the battlefield ten times worse! [Bridge] (The music slows down to a trippy, psychedelic synth-pad section) (Sound of bubbles popping in rhythm) "Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No... it’s a rain of blueberry muffins." (A sudden, shredding guitar solo that sounds like it’s being played underwater) [Chorus] BOGGLE-SPELL! ARCHMAGE OF THE WEIRD! With a rainbow of sparks in his tangled-up beard! BOGGLE-SPELL! THE LOGIC-BREAKER! The cosmic and comical miracle-maker! [Outro] (The music ends with a single, high-pitched synth note) "Oh dear... I think I turned the moon into a giant hamster." (Sound of a hamster squeak) (Final heavy power chord: DOOM)