"Leadership in Project Management: From Plans to Victory" BRIG HEMANT MAHAJAN, YSMON 01 FEB26 PART3 скачать в хорошем качестве

"Leadership in Project Management: From Plans to Victory" BRIG HEMANT MAHAJAN, YSMON 01 FEB26 PART3

"How Not to Manage" Quotations These are perfect for sliding into a presentation to get those knowing nods and chuckles. • On Planning: "Planning is the process of making many mistakes on paper so that you can make them later in real life at a much higher cost." • On Scope Creep: "If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there—and you’ll probably be asked to pave it along the way." • On Deadlines: "I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by." (Douglas Adams) • The Golden Rule of Estimates: "The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time. The last 10% takes the other 90% of the time." ________________________________________ The "Anti-Project Manager" Jokes You can frame these as "Pro-tips for guaranteed project failure." 1. The Power of "Optimism" A project manager, a developer, and a designer find an old lamp and a genie pops out. He offers them one wish each. • The designer says, "I want to be on a beach in Goa with no client feedback forever!" Poof, he’s gone. • The developer says, "I want to be in a mountain cabin with 10Gbps internet and no bugs!" Poof, he’s gone. • The Project Manager looks at the empty chairs and says, "I want those two back in their seats by 2:00 PM for the status meeting." 2. Strategic Communication A Project Manager is walking down the street when a frog calls out, "If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a world-class Scrum Master!" The PM picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog screams, "Hey! Didn't you hear me? I said I'll turn into a Scrum Master!" The PM looks at the frog and says, "Look, I’m a Project Manager. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog? That’s a deliverable I can actually sell." 3. The "Classic" Definition Q: How many Project Managers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. They just form a committee to decide that the darkness is actually a "feature" of the room and move the deadline for sunrise.