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Baptized by ashes to be of service

"Baptized by Ashes to Be of Service" -Lyrics The day I knew I’d have a daughter I screamed hallelujah to the sky The day she was born the truth collapsed I found out everything was a lie A hidden ring, a stolen promise I swallowed rage just to survive They wouldn’t give her my last name Made me prove the blood in my veins I buried fire beneath my tongue Told myself we all carry chains Every day another fracture Every breath another test Living inside an ongoing lie With a weight crushed in my chest I SCREAMED AT GOD UNTIL MY VOICE WAS GONE I BLAMED THE SKY FOR EVERYTHING I’D LOST I SCREAMED AT GOD FOR a REASON TO LIVE BUT ALL I GOT WAS SILENCE TO GIVE Came home to a warzone apartment Half my life ripped out of place No note, no trace, no mercy Just wreckage screaming in my face Lost my job, lost my ground Let them grind me into dust Watched the towers fall on TV Felt my own life combust Every loss cut deeper Every step I slipped further down I let them win, I broke apart I disappeared without a sound I SCREAMED AT GOD UNTIL I COULDN’T BREATHE I CURSED THE SKY FOR WHAT IT DID TO ME I SCREAMED AT GOD LIKE HATE WAS MY PRAYER BUT HATE NEVER SAVED ME IT LEFT ME THERE I ran from ghosts into the country Found monsters wearing friendly skin Money washed in blood and threats Death breathing down where I’d been Courtroom stares and whispered graves Songs written promising my death Called a snitch for telling truth With a gun to my breath I COULDN’T SLEEP I COULDN’T TRUST EVERY PATH WAS SET FOR US SET UP BAITED NEARLY CAGED THEY TRIED TO ERASE MY NAME Nightmares dragged me every night Woke up soaked in fear and sweat One phrase burned through all the darkness LIKE A NEON THREAT BE OF SERVICE BE OF SERVICE Then my father called my name Asked for help, not asking why I knew this was the moment This was how I stayed alive I DON’T SCREAM AT GOD ANYMORE I LISTEN FOR THE TRUTH INSIDE I CARRY THE PAIN I CARRY THE SCARS I DON’T SCREAM AT GOD FOR MY LIFE I LET IT FORGE ME I LET IT LAST A gun to my face, I felt no fear My parents mattered more than death I lost them both but found my faith In every breath I had left