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Controlling Life?

Last week we talked about the Inside-Out Nature of Life. This week we wanted to expand on how we've found our need to try to control things in our lives has changed since adopting an Inside-Out perspective. Connie and I have been very fortunate and been very successful in our endeavours. And for years we believed that it was our ability to control things and "make things happen" that led to that success. As we look back on it now, we see how our efforts to control things actually contributed to the frustrations that arose along the way rather than contributing to their success. But it's natural to try to control things when we believe our experience is created by what's happening in our lives, i.e. life is outside-in. If it's true that my reactions are caused by what's happening, then if getting cutoff in traffic makes me mad, to avoid getting mad, I need to avoid getting cutoff. I tried that for years, but I still got cutoff at times and ended up with the same reaction. I could never control whether I was cutoff or not, which was frustrating and always had me on guard, trying to avoid it from happening. With the shift to an Inside-Out way of viewing life, it's quite clear that trying to manage my circumstances in order to find peace and happiness is an endless struggle. That's because it's trying to manage something that can't be managed. It's very clear now that I can't manage life. But I can manage how I respond to it. Understanding that my experience comes from the meaning I'm giving to my experience and not the experience itself, I no longer look for how to control or change what's happening. Rather I look for the meaning I'm giving to it that always reveals why I'm having the reaction I'm having. As I see that my reaction is created by how I'm thinking about it and not the event itself, I become more calm with a broader perspective, and from there am much more effective at dealing with the situation. This fundamental shift in our perception of life has created such a sense of freedom and ease. No longer are we "on guard" for what might happen that's upset us in the past. Instead, we're open and welcoming of life showing up, just the way it is, and responding from the calm centre that the Inside-Out perspective provides. Some people have told us they are afraid that if they didn't try to control things, their ambition and desire to achieve goals would disappear. But that hasn't been our experience. From and Inside-Out approach, we feel drawn into life and to participate fully. There's a renewed freshness in doing things and achieving goals where it feels more like dancing with life than struggling to manage it. As a result, we find ourselves in the flow of life more and actually get more done with less effort than before. Test this for yourself. When you feel you need to control something, see if you can open and "dance" with it, rather than control it. See how that makes you feel and what the outcome is like. Share it with us in the comments section. We'd love to hear from you.