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2.015

last yr, 2014, was ultimately the most difficult year of my life, even though i'm young. i faced a constant life or death crisis every day of my life, and staying alive suddenly became the most difficult thing for me to do. after i had realized that forcing myself into a frame that wasn't me like i had done my entire life wasn't really worth it in the long run after all, i ended up transitioning from female to male, also known as being a trans guy. i got my hair cut, met new friends on the internet, but i also was forced to leave school because of the amount of overwhelming pressure and depression. i also lost a lot of people i had once considered close to me. lot of shit went down, to say the least. it happens many times over and over with people around the world, now especially in teens my age. unless u know me personally, this video and this description will probably just seem like another special snowflake talking about how "hard their life is", but the truth of the matter is, that in the end, i made it out alive. and maybe this year isn't the end, maybe everything will come back all at once and flood me again and i'll repeat every step i had to follow for the past 3+ years that i had been developing this shit. everything became linked to my anxiety and depression as well, and it was so hard to pull myself out. but i've been managing it. thanks to the help of a new therapist that is the most understanding and accepting person i've ever met, and helpful friends, as well as an improved relationship with my family, i've been able to work on things. and i'm proud that i've made it this far. 2015 has been a whirlwind of emotions. i've had my first death of someone who i knew personally or that was close to me, my grandfather on my mom's side who i wasn't very close to, and 2 months later, my other opa who i was extremely close to, and then 2 months after that, my favorite cat, bear, (he's the brown and white norweigan forest cat in the video) but, i've also grown stronger and more mature. i've dated, devoted my time and love, and remained friends with someone very important to me even after things ended romantically, which was something i was never able to do before. i've met numerous friends and been able to trust and speak to over video call, or face to face, which was always difficult for me. i've gotten myself out of an abusive relationship, i've improved on my hobbies such as art, writing, character development, etc. i've also started making music and making little videos like this, which i've wanted to do since i was little. i learned how to play the ukulele, i'm learning the piano, i went to my first cons, one was even a 3-day con, and i've gone to a birthday party which anxiety and social anxiety kept me from going to since i was 12, and i've laughed a lot. i've been cosplaying more, and i've been learning to turn a lot of my bitterness into compassion, and let go of stupid grudges. i've apologized to a lot of the people i've wronged, and i continue to speak my mind for the sake of myself and my relationships with other people. i've realized the beauty in life that i had been unable to see when i was at my rock bottom. i've gained more confidence, and have filled in my shell more than i ever have. i recognize that this isn't even close to being near the last fight i'll face, but i'm okay with that. hopefully i'll remember this when that time comes, whether it be tomorrow, a week from now, months, etc. i'm prepared to keep moving on. i know this is dramatic af, but i really hope it can help at least someone out in knowing that everything will end up alright as long as u keep pushing onwards. tbh i never could believe that last year and all the years i faced this because it was just so fuckin overused oh my god but honestly it really is true. savor each moment in its time, and also learn to adapt to new situations. accept that holding grudges and bearing hatred will not get u anywhere else than down into the dirt, especially if it's over urself. learn that everyone u meet knows something u don't, and every relationship u have always has an effect on u. as my friend's mom has told me recently, some people r there just to give u an example of what to be or not be. sometimes it's a bad example, but that person gives a bad example within themselves and demonstrates to u what not to do and not to be. by going through a certain situation or through a certain person, ur more educated on what to do next time than u were before. by that person in ur life being an ass and making mistakes within themselves and setting bad examples, u will recognize whenever someone else tries to pull the same crap, and it helps u recognize situations and know when to pull away or what to do about it. the fight is always worth it. 2.015 is someth i made up tht means 2.0 as in new & improved, and the yr 2015; 2015 is my yr of improvement & my turning point. --- song: matilda by alt-j i own no rights to the song!