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From the collection, Psychoanalytic Self Awareness Quotes 'It's all very well coming here but at bottom I don't want to get better, or only part of me does.' I suggested that his 'cat and mouse' game with himself was .. a struggle to solve the problem his own way. He was being a cat to himself to prove that he wasn't nothing but a mouse ... [his emotional] conflict .. is the desperate struggle of a person who feels at bottom to be no more than a helpless and frightened infant, dependent on other people, to compel himself to keep going 'under his own steam' by hating .. his basic infantile self, which is so deeply withdrawn from all real object-relationships ... Herein lie the substance of the schizoid conflict between needs and fears of human relationships. Winnicott's theory of true and false self is likewise a theory of ego splitting ... [Those with the schizoid pattern] suffer from what Laing (1959) called 'ontological insecurity' ... A male [client] in the forties, married and with a family, who suffered .. anxieties over every kind of family separation, summed up his position thus: 'I'm the prey of deep terrifying fundamental fears if I'm not in control of all our relationships with regard to separation. If my wife is away and is late returning or I don't know when she'll be back I panic. I feel I'm in control of the situation if I can be certain she'll be back at the stated time, or if I can go away and come back and know she'll be there. I don't mind her being away if I can get at her, and then I don't want to. I even feel relief at being alone, so long as I can have them all back the moment I need them. But I hate and fear and loathe this dependent weak part of me, and it makes me hate those I depend on.' / ... the schizoid dilemma, equal inability either to do with or without the needed [other] whom the insecure child inside must have, but whom the struggling adult conscious self cannot tolerate or admit .. [also functions as resistance] to psychotherapy. The reason why there is a taboo on tenderness is that tenderness is regarded as weakness in all but the most private relations in life, and many people regards it as weakness even there and introduce patterns of [denial] into the love-life itself. The essence of the schizoid compromise is to find a way of retaining a relationship in such a form that it shall not involve any [warm, tender or affectionate] response. ... the [client, however neurotic] is still a 'person in his own right'. He is [dysfunctional] because in some way he was not treated as one in childhood. He feels an urgent necessity to defend his own independence and freedom of self-determination as a person; and he feels this all the more, the [more wounded] deep down he feels to be. ... if anyone is so unfortunate as to discover that his infancy has left him too great a measure of arrested emotional development .. he soon learns to bend all his energies to hiding .. the infant within. ... identification is a substitute for a lost object-relation. The infant comes to possess his disturbing parents in himself ... its dissolution .. will feel to him equivalent to the loss of parents ... This clinging to the closed inner world seems .. to be based on the fear that, since one must have parents at all costs, bad parents are better than none, and if you break away you will only be out of the frying pan into the fire. ... discover the obstacles .. provide a relationship in which the [client] can come to feel secure, and leave 'nature' to [do] her healing work ... [A number of therapy approaches] not being orientated to the uncovering of the schizoid problem, inadvertently helps [those with the schizoid pattern] to maintain [their] defences against it. Maybe we are [just] emerging from the psychological Dark Ages .. in the matter of bringing up children. It would take a major [shift in consciousness] to create an atmosphere in which [clients] might find it easier to accept psychotherapy; a cultural atmosphere from which not only Suttie's 'taboo on tenderness' had disappeared, but also its deeper implication, the 'taboo on weakness'. There is certainly no quick and easy way of making a mature and stable adult personality out of the legacy of an undermined childhood. H Guntrip TQ 904 Donations appreciated: https://www.gofundme.com/f/psychoanal...