Episode 51: Nervous System Health and Self-Compassion, Our Own and Our Children’s скачать в хорошем качестве

Episode 51: Nervous System Health and Self-Compassion, Our Own and Our Children’s

It was really an honour to speak with Linsey Briggs of @unschoolingstanley about a topic she shares so generously about. Her insights were both beautiful and practical. It’s always amazing to see the different angles and experiences each person has and so this was another full conversation. In listening back through our discussion, I was reminded of how closely it fit with what Hayley has always written so much about — compassion for self, our children and others — on her Taking a Kinder Path blog. If you missed Episode 50, which honoured Hayley and discussed some of her work, please go back and listen to the previous episode. And we hope you’ll join us here for this episode’s conversation with Linsey. We Discuss: The stories we tell ourselves that stop us from taking care of ourselves in a given situation The relief our nervous system feels when we listen to it That understanding ourselves helps us understand our children How the people around us can’t always know what we’re feeling Childhood messages that contradict and indirectly teach us not to listen to our system Learning that the way we experience or feel something can be quite different from the way other people do Allowing other people the space to have their own experience without us necessarily understanding it That nervous systems within a family can be clashing at any given time and there are often things to sort out and work through Self-compassion as a route to having a more regulated nervous system Checking in with our inner voice and rewriting the script as we know more Having a kind voice with ourselves Information and advice overload – finding the pieces and versions of things that work for us and leaving the rest Being curious and playful Presenting information to our children with reminders that there are many ways for them to care for themselves Modelling rather than lecturing Being open to changes in what we need That being dysregulated at times or being a “work in progress” is alright — we don’t need to strive for perfection Finding the ways to help our children recognize their needs and possible solutions in ways that work for them Normalizing talking about these things and finding our people who encourage or support us Letting our nervous systems do the job for us during times that we really need rest, or deep dives or to just moving through the feelings Boredom and what a nuanced and loaded topic it can be Being present with our children through hard times and allowing them to have non-judgmental support as they manage riding the wave of the boredom until it passes Having compassion for a child in their boredom and understanding that for some children and the way their nervous system works, boredom is actually painful/a form of suffering How coming out of a deep dive into a special interest can be disorienting and leave the nervous system in an unnerving space The lower level of respect often given to children when they have gaps in active focus as compared to adults Kids not having as much experience with how these feelings pass over time and imagining it might go on and on Nervous system safety and how children’s systems rely on the safety of the people and environments around them — the safe people and activities that help anchor them even in times that are wobblier Leaving enough margin to be available if our children need more support or circle back to needing more of us again This way of respecting and being with our child and how it can be uncomfortable for us as parents based on external opinion Awareness of the reality that family members are not all going to be regulated at the same time Curiosity over anxiety about where everyone will be at and embracing the joy and authenticity Nervous systems within a family that also balance and heal and help each other Siblings – acknowledging to kids that another child might be having a hard time in a way that allows them the chance to offer compassion but also to check in about how they’re feeling in the midst of it Watching older and grown kids find their pace and self-care and flow back into equilibrium The concern from society that we will deny children the skills to manage hard situations if we “coddle” but really this level of respect seems to lead to self-awareness and increased flexibility in our children The reality that sometimes we do need to push through something from a safety perspective but we have the self-awareness to process and make a change for next time How even as adults, we don’t need to fully process and regulate on our own given our relationships and support systems The way that our own learning about nervous systems and self-compassion leads to greater understanding and capacity with other people Resources: @unschoolingstanley Virtual Kitchen Table Community Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 50: My Journey to Taking a Kinder Path Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 21: Emotional Labour