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until i see you again

dear britta, i've been practicing saying goodbye for a while but no amount of practice can make me ready. you turned 13 this year and i'm sorry i didn't make you a cake like i do every other year. maybe today can be your birthday if you'll play pretend with me. i turn 24 in a couple weeks and i don't think you'll be there to see it. maybe you can celebrate with me today if you'll let me be so selfish. you'll turn 14 next year and the birds will go on singing and the sun will still set, though you won't be here to sit with me and see it. but the sun won't set the same and the birds will sound different knowing that you're not here to watch it with me. i love you in this life and the next and every existence we have. i don't want to say goodbye but it is time to go i'll carry you with me until all my neurons misfire lighting up in a big firework show the grand finale and i feel you licking my face awake again. i love you britta until i see you again, jake