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What Is Solo Poly And How Do You Do It? 9 лет назад

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What Is Solo Poly And How Do You Do It?
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What Is Solo Poly And How Do You Do It?

Cathy: What is solo poly and how would you do it? This is Dr. Liz from http://www.SexPositivePsych.com/. Liz: This is Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com/. Cathy: And you identify yourself as solo poly and I consider myself as single poly which is different and I’d love to help people to understand that. Liz: So, polyamory means many loves. So it’s people with multiple loving relationships at the same time with the full knowledge and consent of all those involve. Someone who is solo poly which is sometimes called single-ish poly, it goes by different names, are people who practice polyamory in a way that they do not intend to become part of a couple and they don’t follow the relationship escalator. So, relationship escalator, everyone’s heard the children’s rhyme first comes love then comes marriage then comes the baby with the baby carriage, the relationship escalator is the script that our culture has for what a relationship does. From like you meet, you date casually, you get more seriously you’re your boyfriends and girlfriends, you make monogamous commitment… Cathy: exclusive.. Liz: Yeah. Then you move in with each other, you get engaged and then you get married probably one of you cheats or both of you cheat, you continue with the escalator of having kids.. Cathy: Find a house. Liz: Find a house, all those things. The thing about the escalators it only goes one way and you can’t stop. You can’t get to like we’re living together and I’m good and just stay at that step on the escalator. Cathy: [Inaudible 00:01:26] Liz: [Inaudible 00:01:27] Right? And on the escalator if you get up with someone you can’t take a step back and still be okay. Cathy: It’s broken. Liz: It’s broken. You have to go all the way back down and start all over. Cathy: And never speak with them again. Liz: Never speak with them again! None of your friends can speak to them. Cathy: You should trash them off [Inaudible 00:01:40] Liz: None of your friends can date you. Yeah. Definitely publicly shame them coz that’s a really healthy approach to a break up. Cathy: To someone you cared about enough to want to live with them or whatever. Liz: Right. So, with solo poly folks, we treat each relationship as its own independent entity. For me, I don’t intend to actively be a part of a “couple”. I don’t like subsuming my identity into my relationship. So when I’m in a relationship it could be very deep, very intimate, very connected, very long term but we’re both individuals in our relationship together. We are not necessarily looking to live together, we’re not necessarily looking to get married or intertwine finances. Cathy: Buy a house together. Liz: But a house together. Some solo poly folks do, it’s kind of person by person. The biggest misconception that I see is that solo poly people are either always secondaries which plays into the idea that you can only do poly with hierarchy. Cathy: Yeah. Liz: Which is inaccurate. Or that they don’t want deep loving connection relationships that they only want “casual relationships” or that they don’t want sex or they only want “casual sex”. The reality is that solo poly can look a lot of different ways for a lot of different people but the big key is that you’re not on the relationship escalator. Cathy: Right.

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