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Michelle and Laura set up a demo Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy session role playing a heterosexual couple married for 10 years with two young children. The couple's connection and physical intimacy has become strained over time due to the demands of career and parenting. They demonstrate tango moves 1-3 with the husband. Key Takeaways The Core Problem: Jimmy's initiation attempts were met with rejection or obligatory compliance, leading him to feel like a "creep" and a "burden." The Real Pain Point: The core issue isn't a lack of , but the loss of genuine connection and feeling unwanted by his partner, Caroline. The EFT Intervention: Michelle used EFT to help Jimmy articulate his pain (disgust, nausea) and share his true motivation for stopping initiation—to avoid feeling like a burden—directly with Caroline. Key Therapeutic Principle: The therapist must constantly monitor the non-speaking partner's reactions (using the "red light, green light" model) to ensure safety and prevent flooding. Topics The Mock Couple & Session Context Couple: Jimmy & Caroline, married ~10 years with two young children. Problem: A once-strong intimate connection is now strained, causing tension and reduced physical touch. Session: A mock 4th session, following one joint and two individual meetings. Focus: The couple's intimate relationship, a common strain for busy parents. Jimmy's Experience & Pain Initiation: Jimmy stopped initiating after repeated rejections and feeling Caroline's compliance was obligatory ("pity "). Core Fear: The relationship is becoming a "roommate" dynamic, losing its special, intimate connection. Feeling Unwanted: Jimmy's primary pain is feeling like a burden, unwanted, and that he "turns her off." Physical Manifestation: Discussing this pain causes physical disgust and nausea at the base of his throat. EFT Intervention & Rationale Goal: Help Jimmy articulate his true motivation for stopping initiation. Process: Michelle guided Jimmy to connect his feelings of disgust and nausea to the pain of feeling unwanted. Outcome: Jimmy shared his vulnerability with Caroline, explaining he stopped initiating to avoid feeling like a burden. Therapeutic Principle: Michelle noted the need to monitor Caroline's non-verbal cues to prevent flooding and maintain safety. Let Go Let EFT is here to ensure therapists feel supported in their journey helping clients have more security and connection in their lives. We want to shine a light on the more complex, darker parts of the EFT learning path. https://letgoleteft.com/ Learn more about Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy @ https://iceeft.com/ Laura C. Spiller, Ph. D. (She/her) Clinical Psychologist ICEEFT Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist and Supervisor Candidate Houston Community for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Past President www.heightscouplestherapy.com https://www.practisage.com/ Linked-In:www.linkedin.com/in/laura-spiller-ph-d-73557312 Michelle Puster M.Ed., LPC (she/her) ICEEFT Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist and Supervisor AASECT Certified Sex Therapist Houston Community for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Past President www.katycouplescounseling.com https://compassionateheartmindfullife... / michelle-puster-1029b010