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Jackie. Peace at Last

Jackie, It’s hard to believe that it's only been a short while since you left. In that time, it feels like I’ve been living in some sort of dream. At times, it feels as though I’m moving through the motions, like a zombie. Other times, it’s a nightmare that I can’t seem to escape, a constant, gnawing feeling that I'm losing myself without you. The thought that you’re never coming back is almost too much to bear. The hardest part is going to bed at night. In the quiet, I relive our happiest moments together. I dream of us, as though we’ve had eighty years together instead of the years we had. It’s so hard to accept that those moments are just that; moments in a dream, not reality. There are days when I feel you near, as if you’re still here with me. I can almost hear your voice in the stillness, and I hold on to that feeling like a lifeline. But then, there are days when doubt creeps in, and I’m left thinking that you’re truly gone, that I’m clinging to something that’s not there. It’s a strange and painful place to be, even as I write this letter to you. One thing that’s become clear is how life moves on for everyone else, and there are moments when I find myself avoiding others. They have their own burdens, their own lives to live. But I’ve also been touched by the kindness of our family and friends, many of whom you would have been so surprised by. Their support has been a reminder of how deeply you were loved, and how many lives you’ve touched. The love and companionship you gave me is a rare gift, something I know only comes once in a lifetime. I can’t imagine life without you in it. Before you, my life felt aimless, like a melody without purpose. Now, the music feels hollow. Where have you gone, my love? Why did you have to leave so soon? I’m left with a void I don’t know how to fill. What will I do without you? I miss you more than words can express. I love you, Jackie. Always and forever. John