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Feeling

I grew up thinking that my emotional baseline should be feeling calm and happy. I felt that there was something wrong with me because I was a lonely child who experienced highs and lows. Now, when something triggers me, I try to welcome it as an opportunity. I surrender and remain open to feeling all the emotions and exploring them. Sometimes it hurts: My body aches as if it had the flu; I feel deep sadness and burning rage; and my mind races and loops tirelessly. Knowing about the journey of healing is one thing and going through it is another. It takes commitment and overcoming our own resistance. It not for the faint of heart. If you are on this journey, I want to acknowledge how brave you are. I have learnt that being human is not about feeling happy but about feeling everything. Now I know, using the words of Glennon Doyle, that I can use pain to become; that I can feel everything and survive; and that everything I need to become the woman I am meant to be next is inside my feelings of now.