"You know how to wear it." ITV (Tyne Tees) adverts, 20th December 1986 скачать в хорошем качестве

"You know how to wear it." ITV (Tyne Tees) adverts, 20th December 1986

Trading Places has been following us around in this advent calendar. It's been trailed and advertised in previous uploads, and now for the last set of archive whatever machine, here's the adverts from what must have been its first terrestrial showing, three years after its release on 20th December 1986 - exactly 35 years ago, how about that - on Tyne Tees. Haddaway and shite etc. So it's getting toward crunch time, both then and now, as far as gift buying is concerned. Here's a beauty product you might could purchase and get away with it - face cream from Oil of Ulay, except calling itself Night of Ulay for extra mystique. Standard cosmetic advertising, really - soft focus, echoing piano, purring voiceover. There is a startling bit where it looks like it's trying to suggest it can literally restore your youth, and indeed childhood, but it's just a metaphor. More beauty products next - maybe Tyne Tees thought Trading Places was a chick flick? - and a nice sustained burst of 1986 in concentrated form. From the Quantel-tastic visual effects to the crispy modernist graphic design to the colossal scope of the hair itself, not to mention the shoulder pads. The gratuitously Pollockoid backdrop to the final product shot is the icing on the cake. Dimension shampoo prefigure's Vidal Sassoon's Wash and Go, but the latter was the greater success by not babbling about molecules and eldritch science and just chucking shampoo and conditioner in the same bottle and straightforwardly pointing that out. Henry David Thoreau was right: simplify. And also simplify. Next, it's still 1986, guys. Pulsing synth-pop (courtesy of Hipsway), dramatic neon lighting, Dutch angles ahoy, and the usual massive hair and bold makeup. It's not entirely obvious what this is advertising for a long while - could be more shampoo, could be razors or shaving cream, could even be some sort of microwave ready meal or a box of chocolates or anything, really. Fortunately we're given a bunch of letters to act as hangman-style clues. The fourth is a massive giveaway: it's McEwan's lager! Not one of the famous epics ripping off Ridley Scott or Jan Svankmajer, but not short, clearly still not cheap and crucially not making very much more sense, if any. Trips over itself a bit at the end. Then: a brief mention of some tea! A woman very bluntly describes her needs in a way that possibly seemed much more innocent in 1986, but then again also possibly not. Having said that, they still used it on boxes of the stuff until it finally died earlier this year. Having been abandoned by Brooke Bond and picked up by Typhoo as a very, very bottom of the range brand, Typhoo actually gave up on it ages ago and the last lot of D teabags left the shelves of Poundland a few months ago. RIP D T. Another brief one for your Christmas liqueur consideration: Tia Maria. Coffee, rum, vanilla and sugar. Sounds sickly to me. Invented in Jamaica, now mostly Italian, advertised here by a Somali Amazon: Iman Abdjulmajid, later Bowie, with magic marker all over her face. Oh, yeah, it's Christmas. Almost forgot. Here's a festive-as-all-get-out snowscene, with a giant present in the middle of the street. The massive present turns out to be a branch of Boots, which is nice. It's been a long time since I saw a Boots that sold more than medicines, cosmetics and the odd snackfood, but back in the day they weren't just a chemist, despite having The Chemists in their official name, they sold toys and records too. They weren't quite Woolworths - no pic 'n' mix, or clothes, or kitchenware - but they were more than your average Superdrug, and as you can imagine a regular fixture for Christmas shopping - a fact they made a lot of in advertising at the time. This is what Christmas advertising should look like, really. Not sad aliens and how Jenna Coleman loves her nan. Robert Powell narrates. A momentary lapse of reason next as some fish spontaneously transform into the hands of a wristwatch for no reason at all. Watches are a good idea for a gift. Look, you've got three shopping days left, mush. We're trying to help you here. Get a move on. Accurist: heaven to wear and they tick properly. Available at all these swanky jewellers. Some slightly questionable imagery next: a bottle of glowing liquid and some blue-on-blue sillhouettes try to provide some kind of iconic imagery of aftershave working, but look more like some kind of hideous money shot. Anthony Valentine trying to bring some dignity to proceedings for Denim aftershave. He barely even misses a beat before he's off again for another smell, this time for Her. Estee Lauder's White Linen is the cue for a list of White things that fortunately stops before Karen Graham has to demonstrate Pride or Power. Blatanly an American commercial redubbed, but Valentine is very much a net gain over the original nasally American voiceover, even if he has to say "Binns". And "Metro Centre Gateshead".