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The Tale of Albert Walker

Lyrics are: Albert Walker, of Jubilee Drive, is pacing - waiting for the postman to arrive. He turned 100 last week, and he knows what that should mean: That he is meant to get a special letter from the Queen. Nothing turns up and he thinks "That can't be right. There must have been some sort of royal oversight. A king-sized cock-up. A Buck House blunder." He stops his pacing and allows his mind to wander... Well he may be an old man, but he's got himself a plan. He gets the phone book, to ring Her Majesty - but she's not in there (cos she's ex-directory). There's only one way to find out where his letter's gone... He grabs his walking stick and slips some soft shoes on. Well he may be an old man, but he's got himself a plan. Three weeks walking and he's slowed down to a crawl. He starts to wonder if it was worth it after all. But now he's reached the palace - and the flag says that she's in. He talks to a footman who agrees that she'll see him. Albert Walker stands before her and says "Ma'am, I think that you forgot to send me a telegram". The Queen smiles sweetly and says "Albert, it's fine. I've checked the records and you're only 99".