BIGFOOT VLOG 37 - I BECAME JAMAICAN, SNORTED BOOGER SUGAR, ATE SHROOMS AND ENDED IN BACKROOMS скачать в хорошем качестве

BIGFOOT VLOG 37 - I BECAME JAMAICAN, SNORTED BOOGER SUGAR, ATE SHROOMS AND ENDED IN BACKROOMS

So today started simple. I was going to catch a fish. With my hands. Like my ancestors did. Except my ancestors were apparently better at it because I spent forty minutes losing a fistfight with water and the fish weren't even nervous. They were doing laps around my feet like I was a fountain. A decorative fountain that smells like wet dog and failure. So I lit up a little something to take the edge off and immediately became Jamaican. Again. I don't choose this. It just happens. One minute I'm a frustrated Canadian Sasquatch and the next I'm Captain Rasta giving philosophical speeches about beetles and eating pinecones. The munchies hit me so hard I ate an entire bush face-first. Then I ate the WRONG bush and my tongue handed in its resignation. Then a bird the size of my thumb beat me up. She won. I respect it. THEN A PLANE FELL OUT OF THE SKY. A whole plane. Right into my forest. No pilot. No explanation. Just a bunch of white bricks that I thought was flour. It was not flour. It was booger sugar. I know this now because I tasted it and my brain left the building. I ripped a tree out of the ground and I don't know why. I threw a rock so hard it left the time zone. I climbed a pine tree like a spider and the branch snapped and I fell thirty feet and I didn't even stop walking. Then I remembered the Yeti exists. So I ran three miles uphill without breathing and found him on his knees in a little flower garden planting daisies like a grandmother at a retirement home. I knocked him out in four hits. He fell face-first into his own flowers. It was beautiful. Then I went inside his cave and did something to his favorite mug that I will not describe on this platform. For the second time. THEN I found mushrooms. Because apparently my brain has no quality control department. I ate too many. Way too many. The trees started breathing. One of them grew a face. Then it opened like a door and I got pulled into some kind of nightmare dimension made entirely of wet carpet and yellow wallpaper. I walked through infinite rooms. I found a swimming pool that shouldn't exist. I crawled through a dark tunnel on my stomach. Then I escaped and woke up in the forest cuddling a twelve hundred pound grizzly bear. I was the big spoon. We had roles. I still haven't eaten a single fish. Like and subscribe or I'm coming to your campsite.