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I hate school, its starting to feel like some sort of purgatory, I feel almost completely isolated, I feel as if I'm not needed by anyone or even wanted by anyone, I truly don't wish any of these feelings on my worst enemy, its just terrible, I know this is probably confusing to some people, so just to clarify, no one willingly talks to me, and often times when I try to communicate with people I'm just simply ignored, I have no idea what I could've done to deserve this, but basically my entire high school is acting like I'm not even here, and its extremely draining, I barely have any will to even walk through the front doors of the place. High school often times feels like a liminal space, like some sort of social experiment where teens go to have their emotions and mentalities toyed around with like they barely matter. Another thing I've come to notice is the lack of care in my school, no one cares about anyone, no one cares what happens to people, and no one cares what goes on inside anyone's heads, its just depressing. I just want to matter, I want someone to hear my voice, listen to my thoughts and stay with me as I grow old, the sheer concept of living alone is horrifying to me and I honestly don't want to keep going if I'm living alone in some terrible apartment in around a decade from now, I just want to be cared about by someone, matter to someone, and to be remembered by someone, that's all really, I know a lot of women won't have any interest in me because of my autism but I wish one of them would give me a chance, and all I can really do is just hope that one of them finally do.