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I Knew

The night you stopped answering your phone I drove across town with the heat on full Thai food getting cold in the passenger seat and this gut feeling I couldn't put down You opened the door in yesterday's clothes Smiled like someone doing it from memory I said you look better We both knew I was lying but that's what Tuesdays are for I watched you flinch when I touched your arm I counted every time you left the room I knew Before you told me anything I knew Not the details not the names not the dark of it Just that something in you changed I knew The way your coffee went from hot to cold The way you'd laugh a half-second too late Honey I knew And I'm still here You looked me in the eye over pad thai and you lied I asked if you were safe you said I'm fine Classic Em — two words and a wall Four days you ducked my calls left every room I walked into and I thought okay she needs space people need space I'm a cop not a therapist But then I ran his file James with his clean-pressed smile and the gaps the gaps the GAPS Three years that don't exist before Chicago and my stomach said what my badge couldn't prove I couldn't name the monster in your hallway But I could hear you not sleeping through the wall I knew Before you told me anything I knew Not the magic not the monsters not the blood of it Just that my friend was disappearing I knew The way you'd check behind you walking home The way you'd hold your neck like it still hurt Honey I knew And I'm still here You told me you can feel death now Like seeing colours no one else can see And I sat there thinking my best friend's becoming some kind of death witch and I need a minute But you're still you Still making terrible jokes at crime scenes Still crying at dog food commercials You cried at that one commercial ONCE Em you cry at all of them And I'm not going anywhere I knew Before you told me anything I knew Not the scars not the secrets not the weight of it Just that you needed someone at the door I knew With takeout getting cold and nothing else No badge no answers just a pair of hands Honey I knew And I'll be right here I'll be right here I'll be right here