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If Jesus Christ were a Republican, here's how he would preach: You were hungry and thirsty, so I eliminated Meals on Wheels. You were a stranger, so I vilified you and demanded that you be deported. You were sick, so I tried to repeal your health care. You were in prison, so I tortured you. You were in debt, so I increased military spending by $50 billion and raised your student loan interest rates. You were uneducated, so I slashed education funding. Your air, water, and food were polluted, so I cut environmental protections. You were poor, but I didn't want to encourage dependence, so I gave more money to the rich.