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Everyone should hear this. There's a difference between being sluice idol and being at peace with ones own mortality. This helps. When a loved one is closed to pass, subconsciously it makes us worry about our own fates, which imo are not final but that start of a new begining. We cant help it, it's how we are all wired, this is why it is selfish to keep a loved one suffering alive as long as possible for our own selfish needs. I understand more than i ever let on and i have everyone covered, i just need faith in me and belief in my abilities. Thank you Kerrybear, you have been guiding me and made me the man i am today. I just met a psychologist who needed to read a section of Robert Anton Wilson's chapter on the minds ability to miraculously heal itself with belief and optimism and a good sense of humour for her brother here. Before i leave here, she actually understands me right in the nick of time. I will give her my email as i need career direction, childhood trauma's unpacked i myself dare not touch for fear of what my memory has blanked out and also we might just be able to go halfs on a phd. Even jesus forgave his judas and i'm still looking after 13 of them, even if they don't realise it and to the detriment of my own longterm heath. I love you all even if you don't realise it yet. Be kind and understanding to each other, the rest in life will follow