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Half Awake

Didn’t plan to be awake this long. Floor’s cold. Air’s thin. It’s quiet enough to think too much, so I count the seconds instead. I don’t dream much, I just sit and stare, half awake in a folding chair. Tired thoughts pile up like air, and I keep acting like I don’t care. Hands shake when the heat cuts out, mind runs laps I can’t get out. No calls, no plans, no route — just me and the same old doubt. 沈黙が重い夜、 (A heavy night full of silence,) 言葉が喉で止まる。 (the words stop in my throat.) If healing’s real, it’s taking its time — I’ve been running on fumes and quiet lines. Half awake but I keep my ground, no crown, no sound, still stand my ground. Breathe in slow when the weight comes down, keep my feet — never back down. まだ動ける、 (I can still move,) 止まらない。 (I won’t stop.) Half awake — but I’m still alive. Still breathe when the ache kicks in, still move, even if it’s thin. I’ve seen friends burn out for less, I learned to sit with the weight on my chest. I ain’t chasing peace, I don’t trust that word, feels fake, feels too rehearsed. I’d rather break slow, honest and cursed, than fake a smile that never works. 痛みは消えない、 (The pain doesn’t go away,) でも心は動いてる。 (but the heart still moves.) I don’t rise — I just remain. That’s strength in a different frame. Step by step, I build my way, can’t lose what I never gave. Scars don’t fade, they just behave, learned to live with the mess I made. それでも進む、 (Still, I move forward,) 息が続く限り。 (as long as I can breathe.) Half awake — but I don’t sleep. Days bleed into each other, that’s fine. I’ve stopped counting, I’ve stopped trying. But when the air feels too tight to breathe, I remind myself — no one’s timing me. I’ve built walls, I’ve watched ‘em crack, I’ve built again, never turned back. It ain’t strength, it’s just not quitting — it’s the art of staying, not the act of winning. 誰も見てなくても、 (Even if no one sees,) それでも進む。 (still, I move forward.) Not for praise, not for proof — just because I’ve got nothing to lose. Half awake, still feel that burn, every loss just another turn. If it hurts, it means I’ve learned — no rewind, I’ve earned my turn. 前に進め、 (Move forward,) 迷ってもいい。 (it’s okay to lose your way.) Half awake — still finding peace. You ever stare at the floor ‘cause it’s safe? Like looking down means less to face. You ever bite your tongue till it shakes, just to stop the thought that breaks? I’ve been there, still am some nights, but I’ve learned to stand under low lights. It ain’t grace, it ain’t rebirth — it’s just knowing I’ve got worth. 小さな一歩が、すべてを変える。 (A single small step changes everything.) I’ve been scared of calm ‘cause it feels too still, like quiet’s a trap I don’t wanna feel. But peace ain’t soft — it’s something earned, it’s time paid for every burn. I talk less, I see more. I stay close to what I’m for. Every loss just opens a door, and I walk through — that’s my war. They said, “You’re strong,” but I just laugh, I just stopped running when I hit the path. No clean slate, no golden laugh — just a breath, and that’s my craft. Half awake, but I still move right, keep my hands up when it turns to fight. No prayer, no faith, just fight — one more step through another night. 倒れても立つ、 (Even if I fall, I rise.) 何度でも。 (Again and again.) Half awake — but I’m still alive. I ain’t found peace, but I found pace. Still get lost in my own space. But I’m not fighting it anymore — some battles aren’t meant for war. If tomorrow hits, I’ll meet it soft. If it doesn’t, I’ve done enough. My heart beats like it’s out of tune, but it’s steady — that’s all I need to prove. 夜が終わる頃、 (When the night ends,) 私はまだここにいる。 (I’ll still be here.) Half awake, half alive, still learning how to survive. No dream, no crown, no drive — just staying here — that’s my pride. 息をして、また明日へ。 (I breathe, and step into tomorrow.) Half awake. Still breathing. Still me.