Voices of the Void Ambience [7 Hours] [Sonar] скачать в хорошем качестве

Voices of the Void Ambience [7 Hours] [Sonar]

Started playing this game again recently and have really enjoyed the environment and atmosphere it gives. Its wacky game engine makes some odd noises, so expect that. Be sure to have the volume a bit lower than normal too, I can't exactly force the drone to stop coming and it is LOUD. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mini-Journal: Something about these weekends just pisses me off. The long hours between fucking 12am and 10am just drive me crazy. 7 fucking hours I'm alone with my own thoughts. No one to talk to. No one I want to talk to anyway. It feels like the only fucking thing I can do is mindlessly play some kind of game to keep myself occupied. I'm tired of playing games. I'm tired of everything. I don't want to do anything anymore. I take time out of my night and clean my room up. What do I find? A fucking poster with all of my old friend group's names on it. For fucks sake. Do I throw the thing out or do I keep it? I don't fucking know. What's the right fucking answer. I DON'T KNOW. Everything feels so artificial. I have been TRYING to find a new friend group. I just-- I can't. It feels so stale. With them it was all real. AT LEAST IT FELT REAL. I tried contacting one of them recently, trying to get some kind of closure. Blocked. Tried another. Blocked. Tried another. Blocked. I could only get into 'contact' with one of them. They never responded. They so clearly, so obviously, don't give a shit about me so why the FUCK DO I STILL CARE ABOUT THEM??? I JUST WANT TO MOVE ON. FUCK. I can't fucking play Project Zomboid anymore. I can't fucking play Titanfall anymore. I can't play Arcana Heart anymore. I don't want to roleplay anymore. I don't want to do anything. I want to lobotomize myself. When did everything stop being so fun? Is this life? Is this really life? If that's the case I want to try death for once. Fucking god. I so foolishly thought that they would be in my life forever and ended up sharing a lot of things I loved with them. Now those things I loved are tainted for me. I am so, so, so fucking curious if it's the same for them. I WANT it to feel the same for them, at least then I know they actually cared at SOME point. Not that I can fucking find out. Oh, by the way, I got a little figurine for one of them like last year and it's finally JUST NOW fucking sending. COOL. I got it for their birthday that is coming up soon. Do I just fucking sell it 2nd hand? Keep it??? Destroy it?????? Maybe they don't care. For all I know they burned the fucking pictures I took of us, the things I gave them. I need a fucking smoke. Or a drink. I haven't been this scatterbrained in a long fucking time. I want to tell them to go fuck themselves. I want to apologize. I want to never see them again. I want to talk to them again. I want so much and will never get any of it. My therapist told me that sometimes (very often) we do not get the kind of closure we need and need to just make it for ourselves in some way. I thought (stupidly) that I had gotten over it by sending out that contact thing. NOPE. I wish I had a gun. At least then this would could be solved in a second. No more thoughts. None. Who cares. Would I really care? I'd be dead, who cares. Fucking god. Except I know that some people would care. Family, friends, my boyfriend. Why do I have to care about others. Why can't I just off myself and feel no remorse for it. Why do I have to be like this. Why can't I ever just be selfish. Funny. You know I record these almost weeks in advance so I can type out my feelings while I'm at work. I had a plan to talk about the universe and aliens, our purpose in this universe. Speaking of the universe my favorite quote is about it. It's from a comedian named Joe Pera, who I saw live a few months ago. He says 'If you’re able to find one person in the entire universe to care about you, why would you want to disappoint them.' That's all I wanted. It's a quote I love and live by. And that's why I can't fucking bring myself to do it. Coward.    • Joe Pera Talks You to Sleep | Adult Swim   is the story that comes before it. I never meant to make my friends upset. I never meant to make them think less of me, or meant to hurt them. I just wanted to be a good friend. Say something that'd make them laugh. I cared about them so much. And they just don't care about me. Will they ever see this? No, and even if they do, I doubt it would change shit. I'm just aimlessly blurbling my thoughts out on the web for some poor fuck to find and read, go 'this asshole has problems' and never look at the video again. Anyway, that's the end of my nonsensical ramblings. No, I'm not going to end myself as much as I wish I could. Fuck off. I'll just wait for my biology to give out or some freak to run me over or maybe become a statistic in a gun crime. Fuck off.