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Developed using the same military technology that combats chemical warfare, the Better Marriage Blanket is a comforter that claims it eliminates the odor of flatulence. In between layers of cotton, there's activated carbon fabric that absorbs the each nighttime toot and then, we suppose, holds it there ostensibly forever. So sure, you won't smell it, but you'll be snuggled up in a fart sponge until you wash it, which is way grosser than enduring a dutch oven for a few seconds. Also, the product name sort of implies that marriages have been ruined over late-night air biscuits, which means somewhere out there is legal paperwork that cites "his awful butt trumpet" as grounds for divorce. We're going to need a copy of that in our hands before we even contemplate turning our bed into a literal fart box.