Why We Give Up on the Covert Narcissist скачать в хорошем качестве

Why We Give Up on the Covert Narcissist

Why We Give Up on the Covert Narcissist: Giving up on someone isn't easy. When you have loved someone and wrapped your whole existence around that person giving up on them is the equivalent of killing a part of yourself. So yes, you could twist that and say there are selfish reasons for not being able to let go. But that is the line of reasoning of a covert narcissist. Of course the victim made themselves vulnerable when they should never have done so. Of course they misplaced their faith. Of course that victim misjudged the situation. But does that now mean the target of the covert narcissist should place all of the blame on their own shoulders? Does this mean that because that target invested themselves into the narcissist their inability to let go is only because they care for that investment? The narc thinks precisely along those lines. The narcissist also gets an ego boost and perceives that inability of the target to let go as a testimony to their own superiority, their own greatness. But is that a way of looking at life? Does this way of thinking work? The narcissist believes without a doubt this type of twisted warped logic works very well. For them. But for this life view to work the narcissist has to omit everything that doesn't fit their narrative, has to minimize or deny their own culpability and place all of the blame onto the victim. More importantly, the narcissist has to breach the unwritten contract, the agreement that was reached in the genesis of that relationship. Yes the unwritten contract of being in a relationship is to make a commitment, to be there for each other and to make the best attempt possible to work things out when there are disagreements. It should also be noted that in many cases all of these things were discussed in high detail and verbally agreed to before any relationship was ever even pondered. Yes, the narc agreed to it all, never meaning a word they said. So when the implicit contract of a relationship is even made more firm and explicitly agreed to, you don't just walk away and give up when the going gets tough. Part of being in a relationship means holding on, trying to understand. But the narc twists it all and calls it selfish to not allow them to simply switch partners, to walk away when they get bored. Yes all of society is based on numerous unwritten agreements. So if we lived by the rules of the covert narcissist all society would break down. No one could trust anything or anyone. Yes, just do as you please whenever you please. Damn the rules, the narc is above them all. Their mantra is “do as thou wilt”, the primary law of the Satanist. Now sadly, a victim that has been “given the treatment” by a narcissist and is in the devaluation phase of the relationship will believe themselves that the narc has valid reasons for all that they do. That includes emotional, psychological, and in some cases physical abuse. That includes justifying the covert narcissist leaving at the drop of a hat and not needing to give any explanation or have any concern whatsoever for the target they have now tired of using and abusing. That includes being made to feel selfish for not simply letting go when the narcissist is done with us. But of course much has been omitted. Our attachment for that narcissist isn't all about us per se. We actually cared about that person. We saw their flaws and even though we weren't aware of covert narcissism we were aware of many of the elements that made the covert narcissist defeat themselves. Yes as a partner who had made that lifetime commitment to a very deeply flawed individual we felt it was our function, our obligation even, to try and get them to a place of peace and contentment. A place that admittedly we wanted to spend with them. We saw that person's potential and wanted to help them achieve it. But that was before we knew anything about covert narcissism and could even conceive of the fraudulent situation we were in. That narc neither cared about us nor had they made any investment or commitment to us. It was a game for the narcissist. An act. A performance. But even after that narcissist was gone and before we understood the game that was being played, the ruse perpetrated upon us, we still deeply believed in that vision we had of who that narcissist could be, the good that was inside of them. We believed they loved us and shared our vision for the future and we genuinely felt that the narcissist was losing something of substance: the love, concern, and investment that we had made in these creeps. Yes we were puzzled at the time. How could the narcissist simply walk away from all of our efforts? The answers came later...