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Once upon a nothing, there was nothing. Nothing didn’t move, didn’t breathe, and certainly didn’t care. One day, nothing decided to do… nothing. Excitingly, nothing continued to do nothing, because that’s what nothing does best. Nearby, a completely imaginary something tried to convince nothing to do something, but nothing wasn’t having it. “Nope,” said nothing, in a completely silent, totally invisible voice. Something shrugged and disappeared, which, technically, was still nothing. Time passed—or didn’t, because time is irrelevant in nothingness. Seasons came and went, but since there was nothing, there were no seasons. No winter, no summer, just a consistent, monotonous nothing. Finally, nothing grew bored of nothing. But, of course, nothing about nothing could ever change. And so nothing remained… nothing. The end.