Ethics of mentoring in the BDSM lifestyle. скачать в хорошем качестве

Ethics of mentoring in the BDSM lifestyle.

On December 14, I presented the topic "Oh Captain, My Captain! Finding a mentor or teacher in the lifestyle (who won’t take advantage)" for Dating Kinky's 12 Days of Kinkmas. The original presentation was free to all who joined us live, and was recorded for Dating Kinky's PLUS members to access through the Dating Kinky Library (over 400 videos and 550 hours of content!). Here is a clip from that 90-minute show, where I talk about finding a mentor. -- As I'm writing this (about two weeks ago, now), I'm thinking about yesterday's episode of 2 Sides to Dominance in which EnglishLeatherMaster and his boy talked about shame. It was an amazing, brilliant, deeply blunt and compassionate episode. And I'm thinking of this because I'm thinking of gender and the lifestyle. ENM and his boy are gay. They are part of the gay BDSM world. They are AMAZING humans and give back SO MUCH. And as I'm editing this clip, I'm thinking about the whole gender thing, and wondering if maybe everyone who is saying that X gender cannot mentor Y gender is actually dismissing non-heteronormative sexual orientations in their mind as either not worth considering, or less problematic, somehow. Which leads me to the idea that for some reason the M/f pairing or F/m pairing is thought of as inherently more problematic than any others. And I'm not sure how that could apply in gay BDSM culture, since there, all men are potentially attracted to/sexually open to all others. Not REALLY, just hypothetically. Because of course, we are assuming when we chastise M/f mentoring or F/m mentoring that it cannot be ethical, because there might be sexual tension. I don't know about you, but my genitals are not attracted to every damn one. And even if they are, I can still behave ethically. And let's talk about roles. As a dominant, I don't necessarily want power over or to groom every submissive I encounter. Why would I? That's ridiculous. There are so many amazing submissives out there who could use some guidance who are not at all the types I would personally be looking for. So, why is it suddenly sus for me to mentor them? Just because I'm a dominant? Does it matter that I'm a dominant with 30 years of experience in the lifestyle? Or that I'm a good human? Or that I don't actually want another submissive, and even if I did, that I actually encourage people to get experience with LOTS of others before settling down with a dominant—especially me? (You see, I don't want to be someone's only choice, but their best one.) And let's talk about sexuality. I have mentored people in sex. I have taught them. I have shown them new tricks and ways to connect with other bodies. WHILE having sex with them. Does that make it unethical? To some, sure. To me, not at all. We enjoyed ourselves, learned and grew together (I find I often learn as much mentoring as I teach), and then moved on in our lives. -- I'm not saying these relationship cannot be unethical. ANY mentoring relationship can be unethical. Of course. But inherently? No. So, what makes the difference when the gender is mixed (or same, in gay culture, for example)? Or when the roles are mixed? Or when sexuality is involved? Power? I don't think so. In a mentoring relationship, the mentor generally holds more power, by virtue of their role. I'd say—and this is a real stretch here—ethics. LOL! Seriously, though. I am an admin of a local newbies group. And there was a huge batter a couple years ago about experienced people dating newbies. Suggesting that none of the admins could date a newbie at all (we already had a rule about dating newbies in the group). And I fought for the concept that we just do our best to choose ethical people, and then trust them to be ethical. Yes, one of the leaders had dated a newbie from the group. Had harmed them. One. Out of probably 15 people to that point. Would those arbitrary rules and standards have helped in that case? Probably not. Unethical people are unethical because they don't follow rules. Ethical people are ethical despite rules. -- What are your thoughts? Do you believe that mentorships should have rules like: Men should not mentor women. Dominants cannot mentor submissives. Sex should never be a part of a mentorship. Or, do you feel that other aspects of the mentorship are more important, like I do? -- You can learn more about Dating Kinky at: https://m.datingkinky.com You can learn more about me here: https://datingkinky.com/nookie-presents