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Kyle won't let Ike go to school with him and Cartman has a nightmare about being probed by aliens. "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe" S01 Subscribe to South Park: / @southpark Watch full episodes of South Park: https://cart.mn/episodes Shop official South Park merch: https://cart.mn/shop Follow South Park: Instagram: / southpark Twitter: / southpark Facebook: / southpark #SouthPark #SouthParkS01 SCHOOL BUS STOP - MORNING STAN, KYLE AND KENNY wait in the snow for their school bus, holding their lunch boxes and debating. KIDS (Singing) School days school days, teacher’s golden- Kyle’s little brother, IKE, bounces into frame. KYLE -Ah damn it, my little brother's trying to follow me to school again. IKE tries to talk. IKE BaBa Simi KYLE Ike, you can't come to school with me! IKE BaBa Simi ba baa. CARTMAN Yeah, go home you little dildo. KYLE Dude! Don't call my brother a dildo. STAN What's a dildo? KYLE I don't know... and I’ll bet Cartman doesn't know either! CARTMAN I know what it means! KYLE Well, what?! CARTMAN ...I'm not telling you. STAN What's a dildo, Kenny? Kenny talks, but we can't understand him through his thick coat. KENNY Mph rmph phrmph m phrmph mmr. The boys all laugh. CARTMAN HA YEAH! THAT'S WHAT KYLE’S LITTLE BROTHER IS ALRIGHT!! Suddenly, Kyle grabs Ike by the feet, swings him around, and bashes Cartman in the face. CARTMAN (cont’d) OW! STAN Dude that kicks ass! KYLE Yeah! Check this one out! (to Ike) Ready Ike? Kick the baby IKE Don’t kick the baby. KYLE Kick the baby. Kyle kicks his brother down the icy road. IKE Wahhhhh! Ike shoots down the road with a playful scream, and crashes head first into a group of mail boxes. Cartman yawns grotesquely. STAN Whoa, Cartman, looks like you didn't get much sleep last night. CARTMAN That's 'cause I was having these bogus nightmares. KYLE Really, what about? CARTMAN Well, I dreamt that I was lying in my bed... In the dark... INT. CARTMAN'S BEDROOM - DREAM SEQUENCE Cartman is lying in his bed. CARTMAN(V.O.) ...When all of a sudden this bright blue light filled the room. A bright light fills the room. CARTMAN(V.O.) And slowly my bedroom door began to open... And then the next thing I remember, I was being drug through a hallway! INT. ALIEN SHIP - DREAM SEQUENCE Cartman is being dragged by his ankles down a dark, organic corridor like the one seen in 'Fire In The Sky'. CARTMAN(V.O.) Then I was lying on a table, and these scary aliens wanted to operate on me! And they had big heads... And big black eyes- EXT. BUSSTOP - (REALITY) The boys are listening to Cartman's story with wide eyes and open mouths. Even little Ike is enthralled. STAN Dude! Visitors! KYLE Totally! CARTMAN What? STAN That wasn't a dream, Cartman, those were visitors! CARTMAN (Nervous) No, it was just a dream. My mom said so! STAN Visitors are real! KYLE Yeah, they abduct people and they mutilate cows! CARTMAN Ah shut up, you guys, you're just trying to make me scared, and it's not working. A large Chevy screeches to a halt. CHEF gets out of the car and approaches the kids. CHEF Hello there, children. KIDS Hey, Chef. STAN What's gonna be for lunch today, Chef? CHEF Well, today it's Salisbury steak with buttered noodles and a choice of green bean casserole or vegetable medley. CARTMAN Kick ass! CHEF Say, did any of you children see the alien spaceship last night? CARTMAN HUH?! STAN Yeah, fat boy saw it! CARTMAN No! Th-That was just a dream! And I'm NOT fat, I'm big-boned. CHEF (To Cartman) Oh, Was it the ones with the big long heads and the black eyes? CARTMAN (PETRIFIED) AH! STAN They took him on their ship! CHEF Ooh... Did they give you an anal probe? CARTMAN AGH! STAN What's an anal probe? CHEF That's when they put this big metal hoop-a-joo up your butt. KYLE Woa! They gave you an anal probe, Cartman? CARTMAN (Defensive) No! I mean... Uh... Why would they do that? STAN Dude, they DID huh? Aliens stuck stuff up your ass! CARTMAN NO! IKE Ana Pobe! CARTMAN SHUT UP, DILDO! CHEF Well, I gotta get to the cafeteria. You children watch that fat boy now, he could be under alien control. Chef turns to get back in his car and Cartman notices that the back of Chef's shirt has an EXACT image of the alien he saw, and the word 'Believe'. CHEF peels off. KYLE We told you they were real Cartman. Sorry to hear about your ass. CARTMAN (Extremely angry) God Dammit, they didn't do anything to my ass! It was just a dream! The school bus pulls up and the boys start getting on. KYLE Why are you walking so funny, Cartman? CARTMAN Shut up! Little Ike tries to follow his brother onto the bus. IKE I’ll bla bblaa blaa KYLE No, Ike! Go home! Kyle gets ready to kick his brother. IKE Bla Wa Wah KYLE (cont’d) This is it!! This one’s for the game. IKE Bllaa aaahh haah KYLE Kick the baby. Kyle kicks his brother through the school bus window, and IKE flies into a snowbank.